When Immortal Ascension Fails Time Travel to Try Again

Story 6 - Slapping Faces and Entering Sects (15)

Story 6 - Slapping Faces and Entering Sects (15)

After Far Reaching Feather said a few more words congratulating those who won, we were all teleported away.

This new area was a massive open outdoor space surrounded by fog where all the remaining disciples from each of the various tests gathered. This included those who had fallen off the rope bridge.

Even that one guy who took an arrow to his knee and was nursing his wound made it here. I nodded to him.

Maybe it was my imagination but his face looked even paler now that he was looking toward me.

Poor kid. I’d need to remember to hand him medicine later.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to talk... not with my robes as tattered and stained as they were. I hurriedly brought out my tent and changed inside while Little Spring guarded outside.

As soon as I stepped out the kid bit his lip. “Fairy Lin, let’s go back inside.”

As soon as we went back inside, he activated the various privacy formations I had set up earlier.

“Let me fix your hair,” he said. Then he took out a comb and undid my bun. As he brushed through the strands he pulled out a few small pieces of debris.

I must have missed those. Whatever.

“Fairy Lin... I don’t like this sect trial. It’s too dangerous. And I don’t feel that they’re treating you fairly.”

“They’re not.”

“I know you’ve explained this before but why can’t we go live by ourselves? Or find a sect that will treat us better? We don’t need this sect if they’re going to treat you like this.”

I sighed. How to explain to a kid about the trials and tribulations of adults in this dumb ass harem Xianxia universe?

“Listen up. Every cultivator is out for themselves. They fight each other for precious resources that will help them gain strength and reach immortality. Every single one who has ventured out in the world has killed someone or done something horrible to get ahead. This makes trusting people outside difficult. Frankly, we’ve been lucky so far. We’ve met a lot of very kind people, but that doesn’t mean that we’ll keep meeting cultivators like that.

“If we remained by ourselves, we’d face far more danger than you’ve seen from these sect trials. Even what you experienced on our way over here would pale in comparison to the dangers and evils that are out there for a cultivator with no backing.” Basically, this had been easy mode.

He sighed. “You’ve told me that before.”

Well, adults like to repeat shit. Maybe I should phrase it another way?

“There are also a lot of petty and stupid people out there who have more strength than they deserve... As weak as we—”

“—You’ve told me that before too. I want to know the reason why it absolutely has to be this sect.”

Well, he was a kid but that didn’t mean he was stupid.

But I still wasn’t ready to explain about my past life. Besides, being reborn was one thing, time travel was something else altogether. And, my knowledge of the future might not even help. So I decided to explain it in a different way.

“It’s true that there are a lot of other sects out there we could go to, but they all have negatives about them that I don’t approve of.” Hell some of the righteous sects weren’t much better than those demonic sects that built hoards of cultivation furnaces.

Like fuck would I risk bringing this kid anywhere near a sect like that. “The Indomitable Will Sect has the best resources for every possible occupation. It has training methods that even I could use and learn from.

“But, beyond that. And despite what you’ve seen so far, it also has some decent people.

“This sect will be our home from now on. There will be friends and teachers here who can have our backs. Ones who can treat us with so much kindness that we’ll come to see each other as family.”

People who I had the chance to see again, and treat better this time around. Like Sword Saint Salamander who always had time to teach me the sword while Fairy Bamboo was busy with Bloodsword. Or Senior Little Berry who was kind enough to befriend me and help me break out of my awkward transmigrated shell when I just entered the sect. And those were just two examples. This sect had many people like that. People who were probably never mentioned in the original novel, but who made the sect a decent place to cultivate in relative safety.

“The friends we make here will show us that — even as we pass through it on our way to the immortal realm — this world is worth spending time in. We just haven’t met many of those wonderful friends yet.”

Since he was still behind me I couldn’t gauge his reaction, so I decided to add, “Also, and importantly, the disciples of this sect have each other’s backs when out on sect missions.” Aside from mortal enemies, and jealous cannon fodder.

“How can you be so sure of all that?”

I grinned. Because it happened in my past life.

While my friends did change, or pass away, that didn’t mean that the time I spent with them was worthless.

“Just who do you think I am?”

From his silence, I could practically feel him rolling his eyes behind me.

“I know what I’m doing here. This sect isn’t perfect, but that’s because it’s inhabited by people. People who are inherently flawed. But that’s okay. You can’t expect people to be perfect. I mean perfection is arbitrary anyway. It’s one thing to want a perfect cultivation technique, but wanting a person to be perfect is just insane.”

The comb paused.

“Okay. But what if terrible things keep happening to us? What if something happens?”

I didn’t realize that he was so troubled about this, but I should have expected it. He was such a cute little kid, worried about things like danger when he should be learning and playing. And generally growing up to be a healthy individual.

“I don’t plan on letting off those who keep messing with us. It just might take time to expose them and make it so they can never harm us ever again.”

He continued to run the comb through my hair.

“Anyway, shouldn’t you be asking me something more fun? Like how I was able to defeat all those arrows like the amazing person I am?”

“I was more worried that you’d get hurt. That made it hard to focus on how amazing you were.”

“I know. I made it look easy. But trust me, it wasn’t.” Though it was a little fun during some parts. “For something like this, you have to sense where each of the arrows will land and at what time. Then it’s just a simple matter of calculating the best path forward.”

“....”

“Don’t worry. You still have a lot more to learn before you’re ready to challenge 888 arrows.”

He may have had something in his throat because he coughed a little. “You’re going to teach me to do that?”

“Not right away. But, you can start by trying to look ahead at what attacks your opponents will do... for at least a hundred moves.”

“A hundred?!”

I laughed. “Start slow, one step at a time. No one is expecting you to see a hundred moves ahead right away.”

He pulled part of my hair into a simple bun and put a few pins through it, then wiggled my sword hairpin into place.

I stood up and grinned at him. “Good work.”

He nodded.

“And don’t worry. I’ll make sure we get through this trial alive.”

***

Finally looking like the beautiful immortal child I was, I stepped out of the tent. Just after I collected it back into my spatial ring I noticed that quite a few kids were surrounding us. Some looked excited, as if they wanted to talk to me while others peered at me warily.

Shockingly, McTraitorFace, er Liu ChuHua was also looking at me with glittering eyes... Okay, this situation was too weird so I decided to ignore her.

Most of these other kids, as long as they survived this harsh Xianxia world, would become the future backbone of the sect. And they probably all wanted the answer to how I made it past all those arrows.

I raised my chin and grinned. “I can tell you all have questions. Technically, I don’t need to answer any of them. However, if I make it into the inner sect I’ll hold a lecture several days later on how to detect projectiles and judge where they’ll land. After that lecture, I will answer some of your questions.”

That managed to clear away most of them. Only Liu ChuHua was left along with Young Master Zhang. He stared at me like he was both fascinated and upset with me.

I smirked at him, which must have set him off because he crossed his arms and stated, “You cheated!”

Little Spring ran up to him, face red. “You dare insult my sister?! After what she accomplished?!”

“I don’t believe someone at the second layer of Qi Condensation can do what she did! She must have somehow raised her cultivation or used some kind of tool.”

“She has a sect token keeping her at the second layer, just like you have one keeping you at the fourth layer. How could she possibly cheat?”

The young master crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me. “I don’t know, but I’m sure the sect elders will discover her secrets and expose them.”

“Ah,” I cut in. “The thing is, Young Master Zhang, you have to have evidence to accuse someone of something like that. I don’t suppose you have evidence?”

His face turned red.

“Then, how about you compensate me for your accusation?”

Just as he was about to open his mouth we all heard a voice talking near our ears.

“Congratulations! You passed your previous challenge. It was a very difficult test for some. Easier for others. Those who proved themselves were rewarded. And those who failed to prove themselves will be lucky to reach the outer sect.”

I turned to see a gentle looking senior brother dressed in the sect’s uniform. His long straight black hair was half tied up in a bun. The air about him reminded me of a kind and helpful senior brother.

If I remembered correctly, this older disciple from the inner sect hosted this trial in my last life as well.

“You may all call me Senior Brother Soft Storm. For this next trial we’ll test your mental strength.”

Considering this guy’s name, he was likely one of the disciples they conned into handling some of the fog effects for the trials.

He waved his arm and the mist that surrounded the resting area cleared to reveal an expanse where many giant stone head statues stood. Each one was different, but they all had one thing in common. They produced an evil aura that a normal cultivator would find hard to approach.

Frankly, in this situation a mundane non-cultivator would actually have an easier time passing… because they would either be able to stand it or pass out directly.

“Each of these statues imprisons the soul of a demonic cultivator. In life, because of their heinous deeds, they were considered such evil monsters that — when they were brought in for a reward — the elders decided that death was too good of a punishment. Instead, they were sentenced to hundreds or thousands of years of being trapped inside these stone statues. Their names lost to history but their evil deeds immortalized in stone to forever be unforgiven.

“As a righteous sect, we are often sent on missions to kill or bring in demonic cultivators like these. Our sect requires that each and every one of our disciples braves the evil aura of at least one of these dead souls… and smacks the statue in the face.”

There was a long silence.

I had to cover my mouth so I wouldn’t giggle my ass off. Because this! This was the trial that made me realize I was in a fucking book.

Back when I was in my past-past life, I traversed various social media sites searching for recommendations for good translated Xianxia and Wuxia stories to read during my off hours. The sites, being the way they were, would often show funny panels from manhua.

Sometimes manhua panels would turn into memes that were privately shared within the group. Every time that happened the commenters would always yell for the sauce.

One day someone posted a picture of a head statue using a spectral arm to slap the shit out of a cultivator. And it included a classic meme...

From there, several of the group’s users took the panel and created several more memes. Things like…

‘In some Xianxia, the main character slaps faces. In this Xianxia, faces slap you!’

Or, ‘When faces slap back!’

Then another panel was shared of a kid slapping a stone statue. And there was another round of memes in the group. The whole thing wasn’t as big as that orb pondering meme, but it certainly had the same ridiculousness.

Eventually, having seen that image in every web novel group, I became curious about what the ‘sauce’ was. When I looked it up, I did what I always did, scrolled down to view the tags. As soon as I noticed the harem tag, I noped right the fuck out of there without reading a word.

I mean, I’d read many harem novels before. But usually, it was on accident. Either the novel started with no harem tag and eventually earned one later when the author ran out of ideas, or I’d started with the manhua… which didn’t always include the right tags.

Well, when I reached this point in my past life, I regretted not reading the fucking story. If only I had only read that goddamn web novel I would have fucking been prepared for the shit I went through. At least a little bit!

Whatever. I couldn't change the past. Besides, it wasn’t long after looking up that web novel that I transmigrated over. I probably would have only reached a few dozen chapters into it.

Anyway, this particular trial was still one of my favorites. Even when it wasn’t my turn to host I would travel over here just to laugh at the little disciples as they attempted to smack the faces of truly scummy pieces of shit and remember some of the good times from my past life.

“The statues are ranked by size,” Soft Storm continued. “The smaller ones up near us are at the equivalent of Qi Condensation, while the large one in the very back is the equivalent of an early Immortal Bone Creation cultivator.

“We want to see each disciple prove themselves by touching the stone surface of at least a peak Qi Condensation statue. However, for those who think they can do more and desire to prove themselves, you can choose to go deeper into the Field of Demonic Heads.”

Only a few of the kids in the crowd looked like they were ready to go punch a statue in the face.

“Each cultivator who smacks the face of a statue that is a large realm above them can earn contribution points.”

Soft Storm smiled at us all in a very gentle way as he said, “Specifically, twenty points for your first large realm. For those who feel like they can go above and beyond that… those points double for each large realm.”

That meant 20 for Formation Establishment, 40 for Golden Core, 80 for Nascent Soul and 160 for Immortal Bone Creation.

“For those adventurous enough to find your limit, you can choose to attack more than one head during this trial. But, you won’t earn points for each head you attack. You’ll only earn points for the one with the largest realm.”

Honestly, one of the reasons I loved this sect was the attempt at fairness. Most other sects I’ve visited wouldn’t do something like give prospective disciples the chance to earn contribution points before they even entered the sect. This made their new sect members scramble around in an attempt to pay rent.

Sometimes they’d have to pay before they even had a foot through their new door.

That was not a good way to set up disciples for success. Granted, it made those who could work better under pressure rise to the top, but it left out those who were still brilliant but required peace to practice the best.

Over the years, I noticed that, just like with money, those who had more resources at the start usually went farther faster.

“There are plenty of peak Qi Condensation statues. You should each choose one. If the head you want to slap is being used, then form a line. If you have any questions. Feel free to come to me.”

At first, everyone hesitated. Then, as if the author sent him down there just to be first, Hu Chenchen, one of the Tiger Brothers stepped up.

So... here are a few more memes I made. ?(?????)?

When a friend of mine saw my sparkle mistake they came up with the sentence below.

Also, please don't slap anyone in the face with glitter. Instead go to their clothing drawer and sprinkle it there. It will be more long lasting. But do try to use biodegradable glitter.... I mean *cough chough* we should all try to be kind to each other. I in no way support slapping faces or secretly infecting clothes with glitter.

Here's another one....

And because I'm a Xianxia author and I have no problem making fun of myself...