Death, Devotion, Dissonance

Chapter 41 - Numbness To All.

Evin sat dazedly on a flat recliner, listening to the Chairman speak. The pain in his arm was gone, but he also noticed that he wasn't feeling many other things he should probably be feeling. No doubt the work of that pill he ate a few moments ago.

"I can't magic your arm back to how it was a few minutes ago. Your body's been tampered with twice this month already, so it can't receive the healing powers of Apdenul properly," the man was speaking, somehow too loudly in Evin's head. "But I did manage to right your broken arm into its proper form, so it will heal itself naturally over the next month. I'll have Leanne check up on it occasionally."

Evin couldn't be bothered to nod. He looked at his hand which was fortified by Earth magic and bandaged by a grey cloth of some sorts. But although he could see it, he couldn't really feel it being there. He could feel its weight dangling from a string around his neck, but not the arm itself.

'Something tells me I should be more worried about this fact…' Evin thought slowly. 'Something also tells me I should feel angry at the Chairman and Decatur…'

He knew he was forced into this state because of the Chairman's intervention, and his arm was broken like a twig by Decatur's violent ways, but he simply couldn't make himself care at this moment. A numbness overtook him. He was aware of the things happening around him, but it was as if he was seeing these things happen through a dream. It felt wrong, but not wrong at the same time.

"The pill's effects should disappear by tomorrow," the man saw Evin's state and explained to him. "It was the only way I could right your arm without having you squealing like a pig for slaughter."

Evin didn't care. He stared back at the Chairman, yet not quite seeing him.

"Alright. I know it's a tad uncomfortable, but stay here for the time being. I need to make sure you won't have side-effects from the pill's effects. Call me if you feel something," the Chairman said and walked away.

Evin preferred the comforts of his room, but this spot seemed equally fine as well. The recliner was comfortable enough. There was a shade above him to protect him from the sun, and there was a pleasant breeze wafting through the air.

He briefly noticed the pitying stares of the other students on him and decided to close his eyes and pretend he was alone.

Perhaps he dozed off afterwards, as the next time he opened his eyes, he saw that the two dozen students were focused on whatever fight that was happening on stage. Some noble and some commoner, Evin surmised. He also noticed he could think more clearly now. But things still felt odd to him. Dull.

He looked around and saw that everyone in the arena was focused on the fight. Arza and the Chairman as well. Was the fight a good one? Evin couldn't tell.

He stole a glance at Decatur. The latter stood silently, a satisfied look on his face. Evin imagined that Decatur would be staring at his broken arm with a look of triumph, but no. It was as if Evin didn't matter to Decatur anymore, now that he was done beating him up. Evin should've felt something at this sight, but he could only manage a tiny thought of disbelief.

'... How could he have done this?'

And even that thought was a lazy and uninspired one.

Sighing, he realized that no one around cared for him. Evin was inconsequential. Part of him enjoyed this thought… but another part of him dreaded it deeply.

Evin felt terribly lonely at that moment. His mind worked hard to remind him of all the times the world slighted him, beginning with how his mother had abandoned him in fear of his father, and he was forced to leave behind his father in search of his own freedom. Leanne had offered to alleviate some of his loneliness, but Evin found it gradually hard to trust the woman. Arza was friendly with him, and Evin felt it was genuine… but he understood that Arza would act the same with anyone he met.

'Ah… I can't hear the voice anymore…' Evin suddenly realized.

It was surely screaming at Evin when Decatur picked him up to break his arm. But at some point, it had stopped speaking. Evin didn't think much about it, up until this point.

How he was able to forget about its existence, Evin didn't know. But for a few brief moments, Evin was a normal boy, devoid of a voice in his head. Still would be, until it started speaking to him again.

'Perhaps all along, it was a figment of my imagination? Perhaps I am truly mad as so many people pointed out?' Evin entertained an idea.

'No. Of course not.'

Evin couldn't be insane. The voice simply knew too much. It knew about what happened around Evin when he was sleeping; it knew about names of people Evin met for the first time; allegedly, it knew more about casting magic than all the people in the world; and it knew a whole entire language that it preferred to use when it was angry or raving. These could also be the fancy products of Evin's own mind, but he refused to believe that he made all of it up. He felt his mind wasn't creative enough for such an endeavor.

But whatever the voice was, it didn't matter to Evin as much. Especially at that moment.

Evin was simply lonely.

He felt the panic and fear replacing in the dullness in his mind. With eyes full of worry and fear, he looked around, searching for a man. Thick beards, large stature, calloused hands, and a burn scar under his eyes, which he received from a splash of hot oil. He longed for his father.

Perhaps his father was right. Perhaps mages were everything his father warned him of. Corrupt, selfish, unfeeling adults, willing to use anything and anyone for their own purposes. Even if these purposes were honorable and visionary, Evin never wanted to have anything to do with them. It was the mages who threw him into this mess.

His father wouldn't do this to him. He would drink, he would yell at Evin, he would beat Evin, but he saw Evin as his blood nonetheless. He sheltered Evin, fed him, taught him, protected him from harm.

Evin had a father. And he wanted to see him, be with him, despite understanding in his head that it was a bad idea.

<Evin!> the voice exclaimed. It sounded distant and muffled, but Evin could feel the urgency in it. <Can you hear me!>

Evin wanted to whisper something, but he could only manage a lengthy sigh. But it seemed to do the trick, as the voice spoke on a softer note.

<You can!> the voice said energetically, in the same muffled tone.

But a few moments later, without understanding how, Evin could hear it much clearer. He felt some kind of "rebonding" with the voice and he felt overwhelmed as its angers and frustrations flooded into Evin's mind.

With the voice's emotions as catalyst, Evin felt his own frustrations welling up inside him. He was angry at the way Decatur so ruthlessly broke his arms. He was angry at the Chairman forced him into this mess of a fight. And he was angry at himself for being so powerless to stop these things from happening.

But the next moment, the bonding was severed, and Evin was the voice went off in a rage once more.

<Fucking Kent! What the hell did he feed you!> He wasn't sure, but he could also feel fear and worry in this sudden surge of emotions.

A thump went off in Evin's head, and with it, a pang of pain. It felt as if something was ramming into Evin's head, except it felt that the ramming came from inside. Again, a thump resounded in Evin's head, and again, a wave of pain washed over his head.

"Stop it…" Evin whispered. Barely.

<Break free from the pill's effects!> the voice ordered as he rammed Evin's mind again.

The pain forced Evin to hold his head tightly, to try and curl into a fetal position, but he failed and fell off from the flattish recliner. As he was sprawling on the ground, he heard the urgent voice of the Chairman.

"What's happening?"

Evin was in no state to reply, only hoping the voice would stop whatever it was doing.

But a thump turned into a shatter, and the shatter was replaced by a splash. Evin did not like the splashes. It felt as if someone stuck a sword into Evin's head and was stirring it without caring for what it was doing to Evin.

Evin whimpered in pain, unable to do or think anything else. But even through all this pain, Evin could feel the voice attempting at another "bonding". Thankfully, this one succeeded, and the splashing stopped. The pain subsided slowly, and Evin felt once more at peace.

"What is happening to you?" the Chairman's words finally registered in his head.

Evin could only breath heavily to his question, more of a messy sequel of sighs. The Chairman pulled him up the recliner and looked at Evin with eyes full of excitement. Yes. Excitement. The Chairman's face showed a worried Academy master, but his eyes betrayed the almost childish zealousness he was feeling inside.

<All is fine,> the voice said. <All is fine. Just sleep. I'll explain everything to you afterwards.>

Evin didn't need any other encouragements. His head pulsating with pain, he willed for sleep to come. He became unconscious, but it felt to Evin as if he was still awake and about, doing things. Exactly what he was doing, Evin couldn't tell.

…