Tomodachi no Imouto ga Ore ni Dake Uzai

Volume 4, 2: My friend’s little sister is only toilet towards me

Volume 4, Chapter 2: My friend’s little sister is only toilet towards me

Summer moisture and heat filled the breeze that ran through the trees of this mountain forest. Stepping outside the shrine for only a meter, the sounds of the insects were suddenly right next to our ears, making you feel like you finally arrived in midst true nature.

It’s almost like you switched the map in a game. Were you never once doubtful that, if you suddenly turned around, this world would turn out to be just a virtual reality, and the loading didn’t make it in time to create an awfully surreal scenery? I feel that way quite often, but that probably doesn’t hold much value right now. The reason I’m bringing up some science-fiction investigation to distract myself is the current development—

“S-Senpai, are you there…?”

“Y-Yeah, I’m with you.”

—At a distance close enough to hear her voice, Iroha was currently picking flowers. We’re in a wild mountain, so there’s only one way I can mean this, okay. Absolutely no misleading here. She’s currently using the bushes as a toilet. Since there was none inside the shrine we rested in, there was no other choice but to do it outside. There’s absolutely no rhetorical way to describe this situation, so excuse the fast ball, okay. So please, you literary freaks out there, put away your torches and pitchforks.

…Also, while we’re at it, why does that shitty love hotel-like shrine not have a toilet built inside? That’s like a rookie mistake for someone who’s playing a crafting and building game for the first time.

“W-What are you doing right now? You’re not recording the sound of me being in the process, right?”

“I’m just thinking about the beauty of literature.”

“Seriously, what are you doing?”

You’re in no position to give me such a serious retort, you know. I’m currently desperate to somehow distract myself from this surreal situation.

“A-Anyway, please don’t do anything weird, okay. You definitely cannot listen to my noises at all costs.”

“I know that. Should I just get away a bit further?”

“Nooooo…!!!”

“Wah, don’t scream like that.”

What will you do if some wild bear catches on to our presences?

“I-I’m sowwy! But, being left alone in the middle of this darkness would scare me to death 1000%, so please stay right there!”

“…I get it. I get it already, so just get it over with.”

“Y-Yes…!”

Telling me not to listen, telling me to stay with her, this Kouhai sure knows how to complain a lot. Though, looking at our current situation, I really can’t blame her. It’s interesting to know that Iroha is this conscious about the sounds she’s giving off. I’ve been treating her a bit more like a child here and there because she clearly hates that, but this is yet another new discovery. Well, using such a natural physical phenomena against her would be too harsh, even for me.

I know that it can’t be helped this time around, but seeing the flustered Iroha like this, I could feel a wondrous new sensation starting to swell up inside of me. I want to trouble her…see more of her acting bashful and flustered…Hm? Is it because the magic of the love shrine is still lingering inside of me? Normally, I’d just get this over with a ‘Yeah yeah’, ignoring Iroha, but for some reason, every single reaction of hers feels more cute than usual. I find myself thinking that I wanted to jest more, seeing more of these adorable reactions—Huh?

Isn’t this like a desire to tease the one you like…? I always thought that was just an urban legend, but does it actually exist in reality?

—No, don’t rush this. First of all, the fact that I might have feelings for Iroha is just a hypothesis, with no basis to work on. If I can deny the existence of romantic feelings in the first place, emphasize the fact that I don’t have someone I have feelings for, then there will be no discrepancy with my values.

Really, what a bothersome thought that was, me. I know, I’m aware of it.

And while I was plagued with internal contrast, I was too busy to listen to Iroha’s sounds. Really, Iroha can be so clever, but now she’s failing to grasp proper reason. If she really was that conscious and embarrassed of her sounds being heard, she could have just told me to stand-by a bit further away. Not like any horror-like event will happen anyways—

“Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!”

…Yeah, that’s probably what it would sound like…Wait, I could hear that scream in reality though?!

“Iroha?!”

“Se-Se-Senpai! This is really bad! L-L-Look at that!”

“If it’s a ghost, then leave it to me. I’ll exorcise it with the papers I brought from the shrine.”

“It’s a group of stray dogs!”

“Yeah, I can’t win against that.”

Pushing away the bushes to arrive at Iroha’s location where she let out a shriek, what appeared right in front of my sight was her, unable to get up from the fear. At the same time, past her were three stray dogs, slowly closing in on her.

I’m really not confident in my knowledge of dog breeds, but they weren’t small pups like chihuahua or poodles. They were more of the size resembling a tosa or a bulldogge. Though, it’s said that chihuahuas can actually be quite ferocious, but that’s not a topic to discuss right now.

Also, if there’s a danger of stray dogs appearing outside the shrine, then why didn’t you put in a toilet inside, you damned villagers! Prioritize safety over usability! Are you some braindead middle school boys who admire love hotels?!

“Jokes aside, this really is pretty bad. And there’s three of them.”

“They’re clearly aiming for us, right? Look at them growling!”

“Not to mention that they’re all pretty muscular, albeit being stray dogs. I wonder what they’re eating to get swole like this.”

“We might end up as their next snack, so do something quicklyyyy!”

“Ah, don’t panic like that or—”

Their bodies twitching from Iroha’s loud voice, the stray dogs scatter to the left and right. Probably turning into a fighting formation, aren’t they. Not the intelligence you’d expect from a wild beast. That means that we have to work our heads to our fullest as well.

“Iroha, can you stand?”

“Yes! …Ouch?!”

Iroha gave an energetic voice as she tried to stand up, but a scream like she was hit by lighting escaped her mouth, as she fell back onto her behind.

“Ugh…!”

Iroha bit her lip as she held her foot. Taking off the wooden clogs that matched her kimono, I could see a red swollen space at her ankle. She probably twisted it as she suddenly jolted up before. With this, running away would prove impossible. Hence, I have to find a way to scare away these stray dogs as quickly as possible.

“Guess…there’s no other way around it…”

I looked up various methods on how to deal with any sort of trouble possible to occur on our travels (on the internet). Accidents, shipwreck, shark attack, engine stalling on the highway, etc, etc. Naturally, that included an attack of stray dogs such as this. Though I seriously didn’t expect that I would have to actually use it.

“Iroha, do not avert your eyes from the dogs. You don’t have to get up, just slowly make your way towards the tree.”

“…Understood!”

Not asking for my reasoning, Iroha just did as she was told, slowly falling back. Perfect, that’s the first step. When attacking an enemy, a pack of stray dogs would always try to attack from various directions. Before you realize it, they’re already at your back, jumping at their target from all directions. If you have your back to the tree, you can’t be assaulted from the back at least.

[How to deal with stray dogs. Step 1: When dealing with a pack, avoid having them take your back at all costs]

“I’m really not the type to do some weather forecasting, but it can’t be helped…Here you go!”

Like a grade school kid praying for good weather, I kicked my sandal into the air1. The sandal drew an arc as it flew in slow motion, twisting and turning, only to fall down right under the noses of the stray dogs. The large dog right in front of my eye, which seemed to be the leader, judging from the raw strength it possessed, gazed at it, when I took out my smartphone, putting it on electric flashlight mode, flinging it towards said dog.

“Why are you taking off your wooden clogs?! You won’t be able to run away, you know?!”

“You can’t run anymore, can you. Since I can’t leave you behind here, I can only try to scare them away.”

“B-But, you could just leave me behind and—”

“How could I leave you behind, you moron!”

“…! W-What are you doing to do then?! You even threw away your smartphone!”

“I’ll pick that up later. I don’t have the time to choose my methods right now. This is the only way to create a defensive wall.”

“Defensive wall…You’re getting chuunibyou in a dangerous situation like this? I appreciate it that you give me more material to tease you later, but I really don’t think that this is the right time.”

“It’s not a gag nor chuuni…An expert of ethology said to do this.”

If you put something between you and the dogs, it will draw their attention away from you, creating a both physical and mental wall. Of course, that alone isn’t enough to make it through a possible charge on the animal’s side.

[How to deal with stray dogs. Step 2: Put objects between you and the dog]

The wall I put down (consisting of wooden clogs and a smartphone) was enough to get the dogs on guard, leaving them on stand-by for now. In that short opening, I checked my surroundings, and picked up a wooden stick that had fallen to the ground close to me. In terms of length and thickness, it should be enough. Felt easy enough to use as well. Checking that it’s condition was perfect to use, I flashed an arrogant grin.

“Senpai, you’re planning on fighting with that? That’s like one of those worthless weapons you get at a beginner town of an RPG…is that going to be enough against them?”

“What, you don’t know?” I returned a short response to Iroha’s worried (but also kinda annoying-sounding) question.

Raising the cypress stick (probably wasn’t cypress), I continued.

“In shark movies, a wooden stick is the best possible equipment.”

“What kind of enthusiastic law is that?!”

“Shut it, I have to make myself think that I can win this, okay! It’s all about the placebo effect, so close your eyes!”

“You’ve been going on about logic and nonsense, and now you’re getting a bit too emotional for my taste?!”

Yes, this is the proof that I was just throwing around some terminology without even knowing how to use it. With just the wooden stick in hand, I let out a war cry as I dashed towards the stray dogs.

[How to deal with stray dogs. Step 3: Get a wooden stick, and hope for the best]

I apologize that it had to end up this reckless in the end. To those who are interested in this sort of topic, please feel free to ignore my nonsense, and gather know-how on your own…But, leaving that aside for now.

Starting from the conclusion, I managed to win against the stray dogs. To be honest though, the stray dogs seemed to have been scared by my war cry, and started to run away with a lovable whine. Thank you very much, dear ethology expert.

“Fu…hahaha…I won…I won…! Haha, ahahahahaha!!!”

“Could you get down from your scary ecstasy trip while holding a weapon in one hand? Well, it’s just a wooden stick, but still.”

“Sorry. The adrenaline got the better of me.”

Can’t blame me. This is my first experience being attacked by stray dogs deep in the mountains like this. Rather, how many high school students in Japan can boast themselves with having had this experience?

“That reminds me, Iroha. I need to check something important.”

“They didn’t bite or scratch me. No signs of rabies either.”

“What about your trip to the toilet?”

“…So you worry about that rather than me being wounded?”

“I mean, it really is important.”

Don’t look down on excretion, and how awful the timing can ruin your shit, literally.

“I know, but maybe a bit more delicacy would have been fine! Catch on to those things please, Senpai!”

“Yeah yeah, I am. And, how’s it looking?”

“Honestly, I was too scared so my desire to pee is completely gone.”

“Well, can’t blame you for that…Whatever, can you stand?”

“Um…I don’t think so, looking at this, haha…”

Still on her behind, Iroha pointed at her foot, leaking a wry laugh. Together with a swollen ankle, I could see a slight wound, which she probably suffered from grazing a stone as she fell down.

“Seems like it’s not just a problem of pain then. Hold on a second.”

I needed to hurry and sterilize the wound. Deciding on that, I had Iroha sit on a nearby rockface, and quickly turned back to the shrine. Unable to find a first-aid box, I was obviously left without any antiseptic solution. Leaving me no other choice because of this, I bought a bottle from a seemingly 100-yen mini vending machine, additionally taking two towels out of the many at our disposal, and hurried back to Iroha.

“I’m glad you weren’t eaten by these stray dogs in the time I was gone.”

“It might sound weird coming from me, but if this was some horror movie, I would have definitely died, no mistaking it.”

“Well, this is reality, luckily. Sorry, can I borrow your leg for a second?”

“Eh? Wah, eh, ehhhhhhhhhh?!”

“Hey, you idiot! Don’t panic now.”

Kneeling down at her feet, I pulled away the hem of the white robe to reveal her thighs. Taking a tight hold of her leg as she panicked with a beet red face—

“I’m not doing anything weird. Just washing out the wound.”

“A-Ahh, that’s what this is…then it’s fine…”

She finally calmed down. Really, she’s making my work only harder all the time.

“Tell me if it hurts, okay?”

“…Please be gentle…”

Pouring some water on the wound, I carefully used the towel to wipe over it. The stimulus seemed to have been a bit too intense, as her leg twitched and twitched, giving me an uncomfortable feeling of immorality. That being said, this really wasn’t the time to act flustered, so I banned these thoughts out of my head, focussing only on the task at hand.

After I finished wiping over the wound, I used the other towel to fasten it around the wound.

“Here, this should be enough as first-aid treatment. Though, I’d love to make sure and disinfect it.”

“Aren’t you working a bit too quickly? Are you a former boy scout or something?”

“I read about the utmost necessary measures of treatment during an emergency. It’s not perfect by any means, but it’s better than nothing.”

“Senpai, you’re getting into scary levels of being omnipotent.”

“No, not at all. People who can really do it would be able to stop the bleeding, and I don’t know how to perfectly take care of all the bacteria. What I’m doing is just on a general level of education.”

“Having sufficient knowledge in every little genre is an irregularity to begin with, but I’m too tired so I’ll hold off of retorting on that for now.”

Normally, it’s my duty to deliver high-quality retorts, but as soon as we get on material related to being average, the roles are reversed…Is that just my imagination?

“But, enough of this useless banter. We’re going down this mountain.”

“Eh? Right now?”

“Yeah. We can’t leave that wound alone as long as it still can get infected.”

“U-Um…but, as of right now…”

“I know. Come hop on.”

“Uuuu…!”

After giving Ozu a short piece of information at the bottom of the mountain via my phone, I lowered my waist and showed my back to Iroha. Basically, I was offering her a carry. For Iroha, who hated being treated like a small child, this embarrassment might have just been worse than the fear of the stray dogs.

“I know that you’re embarrassed, but please just go along with it today.”

“Ugh…I can just rest in the shrine, and get this checked later…”

“No can do. You aren’t just a Kouhai, you are my friend’s little sister, you know? You are someone important to my only friend, entrusted to me, and you are hurt. I cannot have you end up severely injured, or I can’t face him again.”

“Hmpf…Well, I know just how serious you are with Onii-chan~”

For some reason, she’s sulking for a different reason now? A maiden’s heart is like the autumn sky, they say, and I really can’t read a girl’s heart at all. Well, it is still summer though.

“Come on, just hop on.”

“Ugh…! Okay, I get i! I get it already! Just don’t tease me about it later!”

“You’re only worried about that since you use every little chance to tease me. Maybe this will open your eyes a bit.”

“Ugh…it’s so logical I can’t fight back…! The humiliation!” Iroha said as she grit her teeth, softly putting her hands on my shoulders.

After that, she gave an oddly misplaced ‘Sorry for intruding~’, and rested her body on my back. Accepting the soft sensation of her two bulges on me, I felt her light body, and as I stood up, I felt the soft sensation of her two bulges on me. I did not repeat myself there by all means. I just repeated the essential information of the current situation I have to deal with.

*

Walking down the unattended rough path down the mountain, one slip could have been the end. They clearly hadn’t expected for someone to walk down here at midnight like we were, as we had no city lights to guide us, the moonlight barely shining down to illuminate the way. In this worst possible environment, I had Iroha on my back, just trotting down the way I remembered from when we walked up.

I had Iroha hold onto a smartphone, using the electric flashlight to at least somewhat light up my feet…The problem being, for a weird reason unbeknownst to me, I grew oddly conscious of Iroha for a while now, and whenever my hands would touch her soft thighs, or whenever I felt her chest pressing against my back, I would often stumble a bit.

Normally, my heart would never in a million years be shaken by this, but the nerves of my skin have gotten much sharper and delicate (3000x by my estimate), and I had trouble holding back beastly impulses to keep my reasoning.

Academically speaking, through the law of conservation of mass, the power balance between me and Iroha is preserved so far, but because of her continuous annoying instincts that have delivered countless mental defeats to myself, I may have removed this naturally, but for me, when I’m carrying her like this, I hardly feel any shame by her lulling and humouring actions…

“I can look through your images folder, right? Shouldn’t be a problem, right? You’re probably hiding something nasty there, I just know it~”

…But she still came at with that contemplating attitude.

“I’m surprised you can keep up that annoying act even in a situation like this. If you’re not careful, I’ll drop you.”

“Again with that~ I know you can’t do that~”

“Should I once again treat you like a small child then!”

“I hardly doubt that. Senpai’s really kind after all, so you wouldn’t do that with me, who’s injured like this, am I right~?”

“Ugh…!”

“Being treated like a child as you carried me through the town was embarrassing alright, but right here nobody else can see us~ I’m just enjoying the Senpai-powered taxi ride here~”

“Listen here you…I’m being very considerate here, so how about you consider my feelings as well?”

“No can do!”

“You annoying witch…You better remember this…”

“Ahh, that hurts, Senpai. Your threats are hurting my wound (monotone).”

“Grrrrrr!”

What a blunder. This legendary-class annoying girl got on her high horse now. You seriously remember this for later, you damn woman.

“Now then, since worrying Senpai’s back is so peaceful, I’ll take a look at your tits folder~”

“Hey, there’s good things and bad things to do in a moment like this, you know?!”

At my ears, I could hear Iroha’s presence as she gleefully fiddled with my phone. I had locked the phone with a face recognition lock, but she just wrapped her arms around my neck to take me by surprise. It seems that, even with the progress of IT technology, you can’t win against an annoying girl like this. I was thinking of contacting the customer support for a second, but that would just be shifting the blame onto these poor people, so I gave up.

“There’s no images at all on here though?”

“Of course? I’m a healthy minor with only pure interests.”

“Ehhhhh, so boring! I was expecting some fetishes coming out of the blue! I was so looking forward to teasing you with some of that!!!”

“Don’t just create some fake idioms there. You’re insulting our poor ancestors who act as the foundation of our beautiful Japanese language!”

Knowing Sumire, she’d probably say that even the original [A bolt out of the blue] has a lewd sense to it, but maybe she’s not that much of a perverted joke demon either. Let’s leave that aside.

I don’t know what exactly Iroha was expecting to find on my phone, but she can take her time looking through it. Not knowing when she might actually try to take a peek inside, I can’t be as foolish as to keep any traces behind. Nowadays, you can just look up everything on the internet, without having to save something anyway.

Though I heard complaints from behind me, something along the lines of that there definitely has to be something if only she looked hard enough, I can tell you that you won’t find anything. I used the dark history cleaner developed by Ozu, using some magical engineering that deletes everything that would give me a hard time if she managed to scoop it up. The only way is to break the spell, achieved by losing your qualification as a magician, namely—

“Oh, that picture…”

“He’s not a virgin anymore?!”

“What kind of retort is that?!”

“S-Sorry…Your words just happened to align with my thoughts.”

By maintaining one’s virginity, a boy can rise to becoming a magician, enabling him to use magic, or so I read online on some urban legend website, but this wasn’t the time to give a thesis of my research.

“So weird! But…nevermind that, what’s the situation for this picture?”

“Hm? Ah, that takes me back.”

I checked the screen Iroha showed me. On there were several anime BDs, BL magazines, posters and even figurines…basically otaku merch, and, surrounded by sake bottles, a happy-looking Murasaki Shikibu-sensei, as she gave the camera a double peace sign.

“This clearly has a suspicious vibe to it…”

“Nothing contradicting public morals is going on in there. I named it [To think that the overserious maiden I sent there would return a video of her showing her normal perverted business she’s addicted to with happy-face peace-sign combo…]”

“Could you maybe just say the first part in one breath, and then give me the title in your next?”

“It’s a perfectly healthy picture of her being surrounded by her hobby, and she’s not doing anything bad, is she? Rounding it up, it just looks a bit indecent.”

“No matter if you round it up or down, it looks highly indecent, but whenever you’re involved with Sumire-chansensei, the level of dirty jokes goes up by a bit, doesn’t it, Senpai?”

“…I can’t deny that.”

Doing a daily analysis of mine on a continuous basis, there is one thing that I understood. Maybe as a side effect of being surrounded by the genius found in the [5th Floor Alliance], I happened to be influenced by the various different natures found there. Spending a long time together with Shikibu, I end up thinking more like Shikibu in my head. Just imagining that has me sweat in fear. But, leaving that aside for now.

“That picture came into existence back when I had barely scouted Sumire-sensei, one we took to send her family.”

“I don’t even know where to retort because it’s completely rushing my logical thinking!”

“Taking a picture that would show how much Sumire-sensei loved her hobby, we thought that we could convince the family…Though we decided against it.”

“I’m glad you got the red light right from the beginning. Who knows what could have happened if you kept accelerating.”

“Probably. Back then, I didn’t know of the frank opinions of the Kageishi Family, and although we didn’t act carelessly, this probably was the right choice.”

“Know your enemy, know thyself, and you shall not fear a hundred battles, was it. Senpai’s favorite saying.”

“One of the 48 that I have, yes. Well, I do think it’s important to think that way.”

Human relations are war. Business is war. Life is war. Possessing a goal, confronting advantages and disadvantages, it’s a battle of resources. The essence is nothing different from war itself. Hence, the secret to winning efficiently lies within strategy. That is my philosophy.

“So in order to know the enemy, you had them search through Sumire-chansensei’s main house, right?”

“Ah, yeah, that’s about it.” I gave a vague response to Iroha’s question.

Right now, while Iroha and I were participating in the Ceremony of Marriage—Sumire should be busy looking through the Kageishi Family’s main house, where the family’s head Kou resided. Like a true descendant of a ninja family, beautifully like the wind, she is on the lookout for child pornography, or knowing her, maybe not.

“Locating some child porn now would be a bit of a gag development…but, is it fine for us to just go down the mountain again?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if we get spotted by some villagers who participated in the ritual? They would find out that we deceived them, and Sumire-chansensei would be found before she can find any definite proof.”

“Well, it really might be a problem for our operation.”

“Right! So why—”

“But, I still have to prioritize your own health. You’re much more important than some operation like this.”

“Fueh?! W-What’s up with that…Making yourself sound so unnecessarily cool…with that attractive male voice…”

Attractive male voice? First time I was ever told something like that. Maybe the guardian spirit of such a voice has descended upon me. It’s definitely not a bad feeling at all. Rather, I’m pretty happy. Is this still the lingering effect of the ceremony’s magic that my happy gauge has shot up drastically? Probably.

But, no over excessive confidence now. Small fries of boys like me can’t get on a high horse.

“You are an important part of the [5th Floor Alliance], Iroha. It’d be troublesome if we lost you, even if only for a short while.”

“But, clearing Sumire-chansensei’s problem is a mission of the alliance as a whole, right?”

“Well, you’re not wrong about that. Though…I’m not really all too worried to be honest.”

“Eh?”

“It wouldn’t be too bad even if they found out that the Sumire participating with the ceremony was only a fake, is what I’m saying.”

“Eh? What? Hold on a second?”

Seeing that I was barely bothered by any of this, Iroha was at a loss. Then again, I haven’t explained anything, so that is to be expected.

“I did broadly announce that Kageishi Kou is a Lolicon, and that there is child pornography slumbering somewhere in his house, but that…” Flashing a smile like a certain annoying JK would always would, I continued. “—Was a lie.”

“Eh…?”

“To deceive the enemy, you first have to deceive your allies…Well, not that much. It was the lie of a lifetime, to aim for the perfect set-up. The real goal—lies somewhere else.”

*

?Where’s the heart-throbbing scene of you putting your mouth on the wound to suck out the poison? Everyone was totally expecting that?

?That’s a measure used when you deal with actual poison. If I actually did that, there would have been a high chance of her getting an infection from saliva filled with bacteria?

?What a realist you are…Alright, I will take god’s place, and speak for him, just for you Aki?

?Could you stop acting like this was the Second Coming??

?God has spoken: [Enough of the tedious talk and go ham licking!]?

?What a worthless god?

Intermission: Mashiro and Sumire

“Makigai Namako. That is Mashiro’s other name.”

Together with the words spoken with determination, only the clacking of the bamboo stick on the stone filled the silence. Currently, it was only me, Kageishi Sumire, and my student Tsukinomori Mashiro-chan. Inside the spacious hall in which you could overlook the dark Japanese garden of the Kageishi Family’s main house, only the moonlight sneaking inside the main hall illuminated the girl’s beautiful hair, and I found myself entranced by her eyes. Normally I would just GanyGirl over it (Shikibu Vocabulary: fangirling over something as much as Sumire would over the handsome boy of Greek mythology, called Ganymede, who served Zeus1), but even I had to stay serious in this situation.

Seriously, what’s Mashiro-chan blurting out now? It was completely out of my expectations that I don’t even know how to react to that. It makes me want to react like a dense romcom protagonist, going “Huh, what’d you just say?”

No no no no no, that’s not important right now! Rather than that!

“R-Really, you can’t just tease Sensei with weird jokes like that. Makigai Namako-sensei is a man, so that isn’t possible.”

“It’s not a lie. Mashiro can prove it to you right now.”

Mashiro-chan took out her smartphone in a JK flick maneuver to immediately boot up an application, Mashiro’s plump lips softly approaching it.

Bzzzzzt. Bzzzzzt.

“Huh? My phone is…Eh?”

The name shown on my incoming call notification on LIME was—Makigai Namako. Ba-dump, ba-dump, my heart was beating like crazy. It accelerated, and grew more heavy each second.

Why at this timing? Hold on, is this really it? No, it might just be a coincidence. But, I heard from Aki and the others that Mashiro-chan was staying at this inn with an editor of herself. Though they mentioned that it was just the editor of Makigai Namako, who happened to pick up her manuscript after she tried to win a contest, but…Thinking like that, the possibility for them to be the same person definitely is there.

But, Mashiro-chan being Makigai Namako-sensei…I can’t…I can’t believe that…

With quivering fingers, I accepted the call.

“H-Hello?”

“The yuri anime you recommended me wasn’t that bad, Murasaki Shikibu-sensei.”

?The yuri anime you recommended me wasn’t that bad, Murasakai Shikibu-sensei?

I could hear the usual girly voice coming from Mashiro-chan in front of me. From the smartphone a bit further away, I heard the voice of a young man. Both phrases were exactly the same in intonation and content.

“ ?Do you finally believe me now?? ”

I could hear the same voice I would always hear during the drinking parties of the randomly formed [5th Floor Alliance], though only participating with voice chat, belonging to the popular author and our story writer.

“A voice changer…So Mashiro-chan really is Makigai Namako-sensei…?”

“ ?The truth is right in front of you, and you still form it as a question? ?”

“Because I can’t believe it. Just because you put the truth in front of me doesn’t mean I can easily accept it!”

“ ?You can’t easily accept it…So you can’t forgive me…? “

“Of course! I really feel betrayed now!”

“ ?Haha, I was prepared that you’d be saying that, but hearing it from you directly…I guess I deserve it…? “

Even if you show remorse like that, this once I just can’t yield. Mashiro-chan was Makigai Namako-sensei? The person I always took for a grown man was actually a JK in her prime? That’s…that’s just…!

“My [AKI x Nama] true ship is going up in flames! How could you turn it into a normal coupling and betray me?!”

“ ?Huh?? “

Mashiro-chan’s reaction to my scream that had all my soul in it was exceedingly simplistic. It had a slightly fed-up tone with it, but I had to emphasize this one creed I had lived by for so long.

“Ah, I mean, a normal coupling is perfectly fine, of course. A young boy and girl, I can appreciate that, totally! But, talking about BL it’s just the S-rank of genres! Though it would take me time to explain that, and—”

“W-W-W-Wait a second.”

?W-Wait a sec Y—-Ma—Ah…!!!?

“Such a messy voice!”

The breaking of the voice changer showed the hesitation and chaos in her heart. Clearly not able to fumble her way around it, Mashiro-chan closed the voice changer as a whole.

“T-That’s where you’re disappointed? Even though Mashiro did something gross like acting as if she didn’t know the [5th Floor Alliance], slowly approaching you still…”

“What other problem besides coupling would I have?”

What might this girl be talking about? It’s true that I was a bit perplexed after hearing that my student was actually a part of the [5th Floor Alliance] this whole time, but why would I call that gross.

“Now that I think about it, wouldn’t having you wear boy’s clothing be even more delicious? There’s lots of things I’d love to see. Transforming my BL only brain to a normal coupling shipper in less than 100 seconds is a unique skill of mine.”

“…Pfft. Ahahaha, that’s the first time I heard something stupid like that.”

“Rude! I did go through academic education, you know!”

“It’s got nothing to do with academic background and whatever…Really, Shikibu is still Shikibu.”

As she laughed like a bubble of tension blew open, Mashiro-chan showed a glimpse of her Makigai Namako tone, as she shrugged with her shoulders. Talking with her like this, it was slowly starting to set in that Tsukinomori Mashiro really is Makigai Namako. Feeling relieved for some reason, I couldn’t help but pull and stretch Mashiro-chan’s cheeks.

“Mneh…Don’t play around, Mashiro’s cheeks aren’t a toy.”

“Ah! Sorry, I got a bit too emotional!”

“Sexual harassment exists between two girls as well, so if you’re not careful, you’ll get reported.”

“Eh, this is sexual harassment?!”

“A shitty teacher who doesn’t understand a girl’s heart will go up in flames on social networks, so be careful there.”

Since I actually felt a threat in her words, I gave it one last squish, before pulling my hands away, because she actually glared at me this time.

“Still, there’s things you wouldn’t be able to tell through social networks.”

“…You can say that again. Mashiro was ready to be found all the time, but nobody realized. It almost felt like nobody cared about Mashiro in the first place…”

“Ahh, so negative. But can you really blame us, the image is just way too different in your case.”

“Just what do you think of Makigai Namako.”

“In one word; a courtier! Someone amazing who managed to create an insane bestseller with insane talent and high quality! The intelligence shown by barely texting with him in LIME! The star of the industry, introducing us to a new time—”

“~~~! Okay, stop right here! I-It’s enough already…!”

When I gave a machine gun barrage of compliments about Makigai Namako, Mashiro hanged her head and frantically stopped me. Wow, she’s flustered? My, getting red like that, so cyoot!

“But, I never said anything flattering, you know?”

“T-That’s not good for you…Mashiro isn’t that great of a person.”

“Your self-evaluation is at rock bottom, huh. I actually have a bulldozer of respect for Makigai Namako-sensei, you know~”

I reminisced about the days I talked with him in the LIME [5th Floor Alliance] group chat. Putting this much of his own idiosyncrasy and general fun into his works, always upholding the figure of a professional author. To me, that sight was—

“In comparison to me, half-assing being a teacher and illustrator, you were like a guiding light. It wouldn’t be too far off that I admire you. And as you heard, that wasn’t in past tense, I still very much do~”

“S-Stop with that already…Do you want to kill Mashiro with all that praise…”

“I’m really not though~ …Fufu, to think that the worrisome transfer student turned out to be Makigai Namako.”

“Ugh…sorry to betray your expectations…”

“I’m not criticizing you or anything! Really…The gap of self-evaluation between the you in LIME and the real one is just too great~”

“Hey…Stop—”

Her appearance, lacking the necessary confidence that she very much deserved, forced me to tightly embrace her, ruffling through her hair. Inside my arms, she writhed in agony, which was just as lovable.

“Still, this really is like a bolt out of the blue. Did Aki know about this, bringing you closer to the [5th Floor Alliance]?” I asked her, as she was still in my arms.

Ahh, her hair smells dangerously nice. Also, it’s not really important right now, but this [A bolt out of the blue] really has a lewd sense to it. Japanese really is the language of eros.

“No, Aki doesn’t know yet.”

“My, is that so. So that means I’m your first.”

“Phrasing.”

I was warned by my student.

And after that, Mashiro-chan formed a fist in front of her mediocre chest.

“Mashiro can’t tell Aki…She doesn’t have enough confidence yet.”

“Oh? Why?”

“Because…she doesn’t want Aki to know that she’s writing these shitty novels.”

“Shitty—?! Phrasing, young lady!”

“It’s not like Mashiro is self-deprecating herself. She’s proud enough of her achievements and about what she’s writing…But, that still doesn’t change the fact that they’re shitty novels…”

I see, I don’t get it at all~ The thought process of a genius author like hers is probably way too far above my head.

“Makigai Namako’s work has all of Mashiro’s dirty desires and feelings inside of it…Having Aki see that…is way too embarrassing…”

“But, he’s a big fan of your novel, right? Before he went to scout you, he told me countless times, over and over, it made my ears bleed.”

“Mashiro…knows that. Yeah. If she’d put on her Makigai Namako mask, she would be fine.”

“But it would be impossible as Tsukinomori Mashiro?”

“…Yeah.”

“I see I see~ Unable to bring out the real you only makes it more tough for you, though…Huh?”

I felt like something stabbed me in the chest, to remind me of something.

“What’s wrong?”

“Eh? Ahh…well.”

Feeling something awkward rise up inside of me, yet not knowledgeable about what this meant, I just blurted out the first thing that came to my mind as Mashiro-chan asked me.

“I know! Why did you reveal your identity to me? Not Aki nor Ozu, but me, you know. Is it because I’m a beauty, and a reliable, excellent homeroom teacher?”

“There’s too many adjectives in there.”

She flat-out retorted my small jest. Showing a very Makigai Namako-like response, the girl shook her head.

“…No. A bit of it is because you’re a teacher, but the biggest reason lies somewhere else.”

“Then, why?”

“Murasaki Shikibu-sensei—Sumire-sensei seemed like you resemble Mashiro. She thought that you might understand Mashiro’s feelings.”

Resemble.

Having not expected this word to appear in a context like this, I couldn’t even grasp what she was trying to say, just tilting my head in confusion. Talking about Makigai Namako, he’s a courtier. I said that he was like heaven and hell to Murasaki Shikibu-sensei. He was someone I always turned a gaze of admiration towards, so when she says that we resemble each other, I’m not really sure how to react. And according to Kageishi Sumire’s education system, if you don’t understand anything, you ask.

“Um…in what way? I feel like we’re the exact opposite…”

“If Mashiro doesn’t put on her creator’s mask, she can’t openly talk with her partners…Doesn’t that sound familiar?”

“…Ahhh.”

Receiving another hint from her, it finally clicked in my head. At the same time, I found out what this off-setting sensation in my chest was about. If I don’t put on my mask as a teacher, I can’t openly talk to my family—That is me, Kageishi Sumire.

Making lies, I put on my mask. Because I know the oppressing feeling of hiding my true self with the people important to me, I happened to sympathize with Mashiro-chan.

“We’re the exact opposite, but we still resemble each other. That’s why Mashiro thought Sumire-sensei would understand, and keep it a secret from Aki and the others.”

“Of course, I won’t just blurt it out.”

“Good. If you told someone else, Mashiro will send proof of the sexual harassment now to the Board of Education.”

“Could you maybe use a more gentle method of threatening me?!”

I tried to hold back my tears as I pleaded, and Mashiro-chan said that it was a joke, though not as convincing as I hoped it to be, before she brought up the main topic.

“Mashiro wanted some partners, you know. That’s why she did a coming-out like this.”

“Partners…?”

“She just told you, didn’t she. Mashiro doesn’t want the [5th Floor Alliance] to dissolve. Because that would cut her only connection with Aki, and she would hate that.”

“…Because you’re his girlfriend?”

“No. That’s also a lie. Mashiro isn’t his girlfriend. For the sake of the [5th Floor Alliance], Aki made a contract with my father, becoming Mashiro’s fake boyfriend…You must have caught on to that, Sensei.”

I couldn’t say anything. Because I already heard the circumstances from Aki. That this was all just a plan to get the [5th Floor Alliance] under HoneyPlay’s wings.

However, Mashiro-chan didn’t even wait for my response, and just hit me with her straightforward feelings.

“Mashiro likes Aki. Not fake at all, but with her real feelings…That’s why she doesn’t want the [5th Floor Alliance] to disappear.”

This time, Mashiro-chan gave me a straight ball confession, and honestly…I didn’t expect that. I did expect something along those lines, but to think that I would hear it straight from the person herself. Normally, she’s always reserved about herself, but now that she’s decided on it, she’s rushing along almost recklessly.

“Once Murasaki Shikibu-sensei or Mashiro gain nothing from the [5th Floor Alliance] anymore, the alliance might break up. That’s what Kanaria-san said. Since she is a very clever person, her words hold a high credibility for Mashiro…That’s why, Mashiro wants you to help her in thinking about what the [5th Floor Alliance] would provide us with…what it would take for us to continue with it…”

She sure brought up something sharp there. And at the same time, it was a painful precognition. This editor or whoever she mentioned sure is clever, but has no remorse at all. She might actually resemble Aki a small bit.

“And, promise Mashiro. If we accomplish our goal of finding the child pornography here, and you become able to freely work as an illustrator…Don’t…betray the [5th Floor Alliance]…!”

With her face cast downwards, she pulled on the sleeve of my clothes, giving a plead.

…Ahh…She said she wanted partners, but that probably wasn’t the main reason. She probably felt that, if our infiltration here bared any fruit, I would immediately leave the [5th Floor Alliance]…She sensed an eroge-like flag being built, and panicked.

“Fufu, my my. Mashiro-chan, you’re such a worrywart.”

“Eh?”

“You don’t have to worry that much. Aki—No, Akiteru-sama is probably the only producer who is able to squeeze out my illustrations even after the deadline passed!”

“This isn’t something you should say with your chest held high…”

“Tehe~” I stuck out my tongue in a clumsy fashion.

Man, that sounded cool, didn’t it. I’m kind of surprised. At least a bit.

“Well, as long as you stay with the [5th Floor Alliance] even after you become free, then that’s fine…But, from now on, you have to help Mashiro a bit with advice, okay? And no blurting this out to the other members.”

“Of course~! A beautiful and admirable beauty like me would never reveal a secret like that! Representative of all decorative plants, Kageishi Sumire, hereby swears that she will not say anything unnecessary, and will continue to support you!”

“Is that so. That’s good then.”

Hearing the exact response she was probably hoping for, Mashiro-chan showed a relieved expression, and continued her search through the Kageishi Family’s main residence.

…So Mashiro-chan is Makigai Namako-sensei, huh. That’s a hard brick to swallow. What should I, a female teacher, do in this galge-like [5th Floor Alliance]? Of course, I’m not planning on telling anybody, and I’ll keep this inside my chest.

But, I’m sorry, Mashiro-chan. There is one thing I had to lie about.

[As long as you stay with the [5th Floor Alliance] even after you become free—]

About that. I’m afraid that the development Mashiro-chan is hoping for, won’t happen. I’m sorry for being such a worthless teacher, okay?