Re:life with Karmic Gacha (Modern Family)

Chapter 129: Saltzman Consortium.

Chapter 129: Chapter 129: Saltzman Consortium.?

(Don't know why timer is broken today. Or else this will already been up 20 minutes ago)

[General POV]

Inside a huge and luxurious dining hall, full with white marble tiles, contemporary art pieces on the walls, and giant size oil painting of an old man – the former Mr Saltzman a.k.a Pepper's dad, sat 5 old ladies, 1 man, and 1 teenager, eating together.

"Oh you're such a cutie pie. Eat more sweetie. You look so thin~ We need to get you a bit of flesh." A sickeningly sweet and warm voice resounded.

The classy, 75 year old lady with short, white hair, and huge blue diamond necklace and earrings, touched Edward's cheeks lovingly before she put another spoonful of white caviar in his mouth.

Ed smiled wryly with his cheeks bulging up like a squirrel as he faced the elderly grandmother. His cute demeanor caused the ladies to swoon again, and their maternal instinct had fully activated at the dinner table today.

(Helen Mirren Lookalike- Pepper's mother)

"Mother, stop force feeding him, his stomach will explode." Pepper said snidely as he cut his steak with a knife.

"What are you worried about? That he'll turn out like you? That's impossible just look at him." Mrs Eve turned to Pepper and said sarcastically. Pepper gasped as he was offended, and his face was filled with disbelief.

"Ooww don't be so dramatic dear. This can't be the first time you've ever heard it. Nor can I be the first one you heard it from." Mrs Eve said with a condescending smirk. "By the way, you put on a few pounds since the last time I saw you. I guess your life has been happy."

"Mother!" Pepper widened his mouth in bewilderment before he tried to suck in his stomach to look thinner. Pepper had actually been dumbstruck since the second he sat at the table. After all, when Edward came in, he had feared that he would have been facing his mother's evil streak and mean comments only to find out that nothing of the sort happened, something which shook his worldview.

The 5 older women were haughty at first, but after a few compliments were masterfully sprinkled here and there by Edward, all of them had turned into kind and caring grandmothers, trying to cater to Ed's every whim.

The spoonful of caviar Eve just stuffed into Ed's mouth alone for example cost more than 35,000 dollars per kilogram. A spoonful of that would roughly be worth at least 2000 dollars, and each of the grannies had taken turns to feed the cute 'grandson' they never had, making Pepper feel a tiny bit jealous of said treatment after all he still remembered how they treated him when he was younger, all the snide comments and criticism.

[Edward POV]

I was surprised when I saw Pepper's mother's face, and alarmed when I saw one of her friends – Mrs Latham. A brown haired, rich widow with a huge fortune behind her. Or as I know her, the rich mistress to whom Leonard sold his body to.

"So Edward, please do tell me, why the first thing you did after getting a small fortune was to break down your house?" Mrs Latham asked in a curious manner.

"Oh, that-"

Before I could answer, Pepper interjected, "That was for his mental health and personal well being."

The topic was changed quickly as the soft-spoken Mrs. Eve asked Mrs. Latham a question, "Jessica, you're going to Caltech's fundraiser tonight?"

Mrs. Latham's eyes lit up as she said, "Ow yes, I will be there. It's always fun to tease the desperate scientists over there." Her friends laughed, but I still had to ask her why.

Mrs. Latham didn't expect the question and she turned to me with a surprised look on her face before she replied, "You could say...it's like a guilty pleasure of mine. Although I don't actually feel guilty over it."

Mrs. Eve chuckled and said, "Oh stop it. You're just out hunting for some 'food' tonight. First you bring them down, then-"

"Eve." One of her friends stopped her quickly as she thought the topic was inappropriate to discuss in front of a minor.

"Oh. Sorry about all that Ed, don't mind us old ladies." Mrs Eve said with a smile. That made me feel ill at ease whenever I met eyes with Mrs Latham afterward. I knew that I had to be careful around her. Although I did have an acquired taste towards the famous MILFs, Mrs Latham actually belonged in the GILFs category, and I didn't plan to change my taste anytime soon.

As the dinner continued, my worldview was shaken a few times as I managed to live a few scenes that I thought would only happen in the movies.

"So Jessica, I heard you recently come in possession of a prized item?" Eve asked.

"Raphael: "Head of a muse"." Latham replied casually. "I will appraise it at Christie's London this December, and donate it to my friend's museum for the tax-write off."

All the other rich people there nodded their heads while I narrowed my eyes at them as they brazenly talked about 'tax exemption' benefits. But to be honest, I learned a lot from their casual conversations.

"Edward, You seem to know what we were talking about?" Eve asked with a tiny bit of concern in her tone.

I nodded at her and said, "Yeah. I got all of it."

Eve gasped in surprise, but then Pepper sneered, "Don't pretend you're an innocent old lady. You're deliberately testing him."

"Yeah. I got that too." I said in a casual manner. Eve then laughed and said, "Well, I need to know if he has an actual brain, or if he is just another over glorified artist with a cute face."

"Awww, you think I'm cute?" I said in a cheeky manner. Eve's lip curled up, but she hid it with a napkin as she wiped her mouth.

"I heard that you're the actual brain behind the whole studio. And I want to know if my investment is in safe hands. So mind if I asked you a few questions?"

Pepper snorted, "So, the building isn't a gift, sincerely given from the goodness of your heart?"

"Pass the test well, and I will give you a private plane alongside it. So Edward, are you brave enough to take on the challenge?"

I smirked and said, "Sure."

"Great, what is the distance between earth and the sun?" Mrs Latham asked in a playful, but sarcastic manner.

"The average distance is 93 million miles. So, can I get my plane now?"

Mrs Latham froze, but the consortium owner of the third largest oil company in the United States laughed at her before saying, "Oh Jessica, did I forget to tell you? Edward is also the champion for the state's science competition."

"It's actually called the decathlon, but whatever." I added non-committedly before turning to Eve. She saw my haughty look, and smiled as she liked my confidence. She asked me a few things about business management, and even Pepper was shocked when he realized that I could breeze through all of the questions.

Eve was elated, and she hinted, "You know, Pepper considers you his son. And the consortium doesn't have an heir yet. I have a niece, beautiful...but no brain. so why don't you two get married-"

"Mother. NO!" Pepper said quickly.

"Sherman, if only you weren't a raging homosexual and had gotten yourself kicked off your dad's will, I would have a choice. But so far, there isn't anyone that can inherit the company."

"Mother look, he's already horrified. How could you suggest that to him." Pepper said as he watched my frozen face l.

"Well, I was actually thinking about how you managed to get your title, 'raging homo'. What does raging even mean?"

Eve opened her mouth to reply, but then she tilted her head as she fell into confusion. She looked at her son, and said, "You know what? He's right. You're an ordinary homosexual. I wonder why your dad added the raging thing?"

Even Pepper was confused when he thought about it. We talked for a while before the ladies requested me to play some songs for them. In their group, the only one who hadn't gone to see me play before was Eve Saltzman, as the rest of them were basically my classical musical period fans.

After playing a few classical pieces for them in the beautiful Steinway Italian grand piano since I refused to touch a violin but I did play some of the best Vivaldi, Beethoven, Mozart and other such classical master's pieces as the ladies all promised me a gift.

I also learned that the Saltzman consortium had their own electronics branch, so I discussed with Mrs Latham about renting the patents for my airfryer when I completed it later on. We reached a deal, and by the end of the dinner event, as she had already transferred the ownership of the private plane under the company's name proving she was a woman of her word.

"Use it well." She said while pinching my cheeks. "I expect great things from you." She added.

...

[General POV]

-Dunphy's house-

Alex was practicing her cello carefully in her room alone; she had even taken out her metronome as she was trying to carefully match her tempo to what Ed had prepared. Meanwhile Luke was jumping around only wearing his underpants on the trampoline in the backyard. Haley was hanging out with her friends, Tara and Abby in the second living room.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. But, none of the kids moved from their spot. Claire came out of the closet she was cleaning and loudly asked, "Seriously!? None of you are gonna get in the door!?"

Haley, the only one around that could hear her mother's complaint, turned to Claire with an innocent expression before saying, "I thought I heard you were going to get it."

"When Haley? When!?" Claire said tiredly before walking to the door.

"We're here!" Gloria said with a huge smile on her face as she announced her arrival there. Jay was smiling behind her, but as he laid eyes on his daughter's new hair, he frowned.

"What did you do to your hair? He asked in a disgruntled manner.

" I thought I'd try something different." Claire said while rummaging her finger through her new auburn hair.

"What, looking old?" Jay mocked. Claire was angered and turned away from Jay before stampeding off like a teenage girl whose need for validation had just been denied by her father yet again.

Gloria turned to Jay and hit him in the chest before saying angrily, "Why did you say that?"

"What? Am I wrong about it?"

"You're not wrong, but that's not what you say to your daughter." Gloria said helplessly before running to get Claire. Alex walked downstairs at that time and greeted her grandpa casually, "Hi Grandpa."

"Hey Alex. I can't wait for this Saturday." Jay said before he pulled Alex to his embrace.

[Jay's commentary]

"To be honest, the thought of going to a nightime, open field concert, was tiring me already. I really don't want to go, but Gloria is forcing me to and I know I have no chance to get away from it." Jay confessed.

He then proceeded to add with a reluctant expression and an almost frozen smile, saying his sentence in quotation marks, "After all, they are family."

[commentary ends]

At the living room, Abby continued to pester Haley.

"Come on. Let's go shopping. I need to buy my prom dress." Abby said.

Haley rolled her eyes and said, "It's impossible to buy a prom dress, just 2 days before prom! You need at least a week to do it!"

"That's why I'm bringing you with me! You're the fashion designer! I'm sure we can do it! Otherwise, I will have to borrow one of my mom's old dresses." Abby begged in a playful manner.

Haley's mouth twitched, but she continued to pretend to be disinterested. Not that she didn't want to go shopping, but the purpose of the venture made her a bit reluctant to get up from the couch.

"She can't do that, Haley. If she did, then the boob cut would be saggy." Tara added while Abby nodded in agreement.

Failing to calm Claire down, Gloria walked to the girls sitting on the couch. "Haley!"

"Heyyy Gloriaaa~ What brings you over?!" Haley stood up and walked to Gloria hurriedly before giving her step-grandmother a hug.

Tara narrowed her eyes at Haley, but decided not to expose her exaggerated reaction when seeing her relatives. It wasn't as if they hadn't met for a long time when they had actually just met last Tuesday.

"I came for Luke. He said he's going to play with Manny again today." Gloria said. Claire heard it from the kitchen, and hurriedly walked to the back door before shouting, "Luke! Gloria and Grandpa are here! Put on your clothes!"

"I haven't finished playing!" Luke shouted back. "Ask them to bring Manny here!"

"Manny is having swimming lessons! Come on, don't make Grandpa wait." Claire replied before muttering in anger as she folded the kitchen towel, "I don't want him to stay here longer."

Jay walked into the kitchen at that time, and smiled as he faced his angry daughter. "Sooo...what brought this on? Did Phil say he liked red-heads?"

"I wouldn't dye my hair just for Phil dad! You know me!"

Gloria saw that Jay was trying to comfort Claire so she didn't disturb them and joined in the girls conversation. She asked, "I heard you guys saying something about shopping?"

"Yeah. For Abby's prom dress." Tara replied as she stood up too. "Want to come with us?"

"AYY YESS! I want to go shopping too!" Gloria said excitedly. "I don't have any daughters, but I had been longing to go shopping with one. I'll help you pick out the best dresses for your prom."

Tara and Abby were excited and they followed Gloria from behind while Haley stood there, frozen. She finally snapped out of it and asked concernedly as she followed along, "Dresses? Gloria, did you mean dress? Gloria~ Hey~~~"

...

Standing in front of the house, Phil, who was wearing a suit, was reluctant to go inside as he got home from work.

[Phil's commentary]

"Okay so here's the thing. I was...scared of Claire's new look, but after last night...I changed my mind." He said with a happy smile on his face. As Claire was glad she had mended her relationship with her daughters, she was in the mood for some 'fun' with Phil.

"But that was with the light dimmed out. Now, I don't know if I can handle it yet. And I don't want to break her heart by saying I don't like it."

[commentary ends]

As Phil walked to the kitchen, he widened his eyes as he saw Claire, stabbing the chicken they were going to eat for dinner with an angry shout, "AHHHH!!!!"

He quickly turned back to run, but Claire noticed him. With a knife in her hand, as she asked menacingly, "Where are you going?"

"To get to...safety... Honey, why are you so angry today? I thought the fight was already over?" Phil asked warily as he turned back towards Claire, inching closer to her, but still mindfully keeping himself out of her arms reach.

"It's not the girls. It's my dad. Can you believe he said I looked old when I dyed my hair?" Claire complained while touching her hair.

Phil's eyes lit up, and he said with a warm tone, "Honey, you know how your dad is. He's afraid of...getting used to new things." He went to Claire's back and rubbed her shoulders to calm her down, while carefully removing the knife from her hand.

Claire suddenly turned back, and asked, "Tell me honestly, do you...like my new look?"

"I do." Phil replied instantly, as if it was an autonomic reflex. Claire smiled, but then Phil added, "I love every single part of you, so I may not see any flaws. You're perfect in my eyes. But if your dad says it,he may have a point."

Claire froze, and Phil immediately took the chance to run away.

[Phil and Claire's commentary]

"No, it's not that she's not beautiful with that hair color. I just don't know how to feel when I'm around her. She's making me scared, and aroused at the same time. I'm... 'Sca-roused'-"

"Phil No." Claire shut him down quickly.

[commentary ends]

...

[Edward POV]

After I was done kissing the old ladies collective asses, Pepper drove me to the Entertain building as I had some work to do there.

"Can you help me get in touch with Coldplay? I need to talk to them before the concert." I said to Harvey.

"Coldplay? What is that?" Harvey asked in confusion as she had never heard of the name before. In this universe, the Coldplay band had never taken off globally, but they had been gaining reputations across Europe.

However, I knew that it was only a matter of time before they became a worldwide sensation as Chris Martin did have a cameo in the Modern Family series. Besides, it only took me a few minutes of research to find out what they were missing in this timeline.

"It's a British band. I want to bring up a few things they might like. I also need you to get in contact with Sia... You know what... I'll give you a list of the people I want to get in touch with."

"But...We're settling Taylor's contract first right? Otherwise, we won't ever hear the end of it if she isn't the first artist to join the company." Pepper said in a careful manner.

I was taken aback, and I nodded in realization. "Damn, I almost shot myself in the foot. Okay, We'll settle Taylor's issue first before we reach out to the others but I still need to talk to Coldplay, like immediately. I have their number, but it'd be incredibly awkward for me to contact them by myself."

Harvey rubbed her throbbing forehead and said, "I don't even want to know how you managed to get their contacts. But, I will officially get in touch with them. As you predicted, a lot of artists and big name producers want to join in the charity programs. Eminem has already donated 100,000 dollars and pledged to double the amount soon, Dr Dre has already given 130,000, Rihanna however has decided to give 80,000 dollars but she keeps asking to meet you, furthermore..."

"So far, we have collected more than 2 million dollars for the soup kitchen. Should we donate all, or keep one part for ourselves, there are some loopholes we could legally use after all running such a program does take quite the budget?" Harvey asked.

"Donate it all. I will personally donate 20 grand per month for half a year, that should max out the charity tax exemptions for what I am personally claiming for the IRS." I said in a casual manner. Harvey smiled in acknowledgement before she said, "Okay. I'll let the account manager know about it."

"Last thing, I developed a new app called "Instagram". I will launch it at the upcoming Vegas tour during the first concert, so I need you to make both the user terms and conditions as well as the required documents for it to function as its own entity." I said with a sly smile on my face.

Harvey sighed as she got a lot more work to do, and said, "I really need a team to help me out."

"Hire anyone you want. Flappy Bird is currently giving me 100 grand per day, so..."

"Show off." Harvey scoffed before smiling at me and said, "Okay. I'll officially hire Donna then."

"Great. Can't wait to meet her."

"Talking about other artists, that reminds me. Ed, someone named Sean Kingston is trying to see if you're open for collaboration." Pepper interjected.

"Ah? AHHH!! For what? Did he have a song for us to do or does he want to write something together?" I asked

"Eenie-Minie... something something... miney moe?? I forgot. I will check my notes later."