My Measurement: The Villain Desires a Satisfying Payback

Chapter 133: 127: Understanding

I have to do my best to make sure I'm in a secure position.

Teacher's help wasn't necessary to combat the Wardens, but her support was a win condition by itself.

Before this whole mess started, I once tried to get her support but failed.

Teacher wanted nothing to do with the Wardens after her last interaction with them; it was a slight disappointment on my end, but it was understandable considering her past.

After that, we came to an agreement and practically ignored each other's true existence.

Thankfully, it wasn't necessary at the time since the Wardens started leaving me alone for a while, but things have since changed. Now that things had come to the point where I might be in a position to make a deal with her, I must do so.

Success was unlikely, but if I could, then victory would suddenly become just inches away from my grasp.

Within this subdued atmosphere, I only stared at Teacher's sodden eyes as she asked 'why'.

"...I'm sure you know as well as I do."

This enervated woman in front of me with dark eyes and a look of misery.

She was the one asking me why I was doing the things I was doing, but in reality, she herself knew the reason better than anyone else.

"What should I do, teacher?"

"I had no choice, did I?"

"You've seen how I've been these past two years; until just before summer, I've caused no trouble at all, right?"

"And even that was just reactionary."

"So, what am I supposed to do when they come after me so relentlessly like that?"

"Give up?"

"Do I just surrender and go back to that place?"

"No."

"You know that's an impossible choice for people like us."

"You know what it's like for people like us in a place like that."

"I know, I promised to keep a low profile, but what can I do when those people won't leave me alone?"

"Is it simply the difference in nature of our powers that gives them an excuse to leave you alone, but not me?"

"Is it not unfair?"

"Can I really be blamed for all these incidents when, time and time again, it is they who serve as the ones to initiate trouble?"

"Am I crazy for thinking this?"

Closing my mouth, I awaited a response from the teary-eyed woman.

"..."

After what might seem like an eternity, she looked at me with a mixture of various emotions and feelings I couldn't quite discern and parted her slightly quivering lips.

"Oscar... I'm sorry. I don't mean to blame you. No one can blame you... Still, one way or another, this has to stop... Please..."

"Whether it stops is not up to me. You know that all I can do is react to the moves they make. The only one with the power to stop them unconditionally is you, Haruka Hayashi."

"..."

"Isn't it hard? I know you have a hard time every day due to your power, and what those guys are doing undoubtedly only exacerbates that issue, right?"

"..."

"Don't you want to confront them just one last time and make them stop?"

After a moment of hesitation, she spilt everything with a flood of emotions.

"And will they listen? Oscar, I can't... You know, it's already painful enough to keep up a cheerful act in front of the kids when they're clearly worrying."

"I'm numb, but I'm not heartless."

"You know how it gets for me just because of what I am."

"Every day, I see people and I get reminded."

"'Oh, this person is going to get murdered and die.'"

"'Oh, that person is going to get hit by a car and die.'"

"'Oh, those people are going to suffer a terminal illness and die.'"

"Every day, I see it."

"Every day, I come to work and see my class, who I cherish as I would my own children."

"And what do I see?"

"I see death."

"'This student is going to live a long life. That's good.'

"'That student is going to fall onto the railway tracks and die in a few years. What a pity.'"

"'This student has dormant cancer, but it'll awaken and they'll die within the next two years. It's a shame; they were really vibrant mood makers.'"

"Every day; I see death, I'm constantly reminded of what will happen, and I have these thoughts.'"

"Yes, it's merely a part of nature."

"Yes, I'm accustomed to it.'"

"Nonetheless, why am I the only one forced to see these things?"

"For all this time."

"I've only known these kids for two years. It's a terribly short amount of time, and yet, a bond has developed in that time."

"You understand how hard it is for those like us to build relationships and connections with normal people, don't you, Oscar?"

"It just isn't something that is supposed to happen."

"I know now... I think they were right."

"The cruel words they once spat were right."

"Monsters cannot befriend humans."

"...You know, Oscar? Ever since I started teaching, I found myself having strange thoughts."

"The thought that I didn't want my students to die."

"It was bizarre."

"Something I had never experienced before."

"I have grown so used to death that the notion itself of not wanting someone to die is irregular."

"...No, perhaps it has always been that way."

"I'm conflicted, Oscar."

"Death is a natural thing. It should be embraced, not denied."

"So, why am I now denying the death of my students?"

"It's inexplicable, and for some reason, it creates a strange feeling in my heart."

"...The other day, I experienced something new."

"Once again, I had sensed the death of one of my students."

"Tarou Fushigimi..."

"When Tarou died, I fell into a state of numbness."

"And then, I felt something strange well up inside me."

"Do you know what that was, Oscar?"

"My eyes felt hot, and when I touched them, my fingers turned wet."

"I was shocked."

"For the first time in my life, I cried at the death of a student."

"This death... I want it to stop."

"I want it to stop, but I can't... I just can't bring myself to confront them..."

"...Oscar, you can tell me, right?"

"Please, answer me..."

"After all this time, all this flimsy atonement..."

"That crying; those tears..."

"Is it a sign?"

"Have I finally regained a semblance of humanity that was lost all those years ago...?"

I stared at the woman in front of me, whose giant amalgamation of unknown emotions was swirling violently about inside her, causing mass confusion and discomfort.

Teacher of Class 3-B.

It might be obvious what her true identity is by now.

Just like myself, Selina, Saburou Fushigimi, Azaki Kiryuuin, Avon Laura, and even Kanon Yuuki.

Haruka Hayashi bore a Concept.

The name I bestowed her power was simple:

Measurement of Death.

"...Teacher, I think you misunderstand something."

After a minute or so, I opened my mouth and spoke casually towards the living atomic bomb that was Haruka Hayashi.

"Truth isn't very good at answering those kinds of vague and inane questions."

"Have you regained some humanity?"

"How would I know?"

"How does someone even lose humanity in the first place?"

"Unless someone dies, aren't they human all the same?"

"And even if someone dies, it doesn't necessarily mean their humanity is suddenly stripped away from them, right?"

"There is no set definition for humanity in nature."

"Thus, I cannot say whether you have lost it or not, and I cannot say whether you have regained lost humanity or not."

"Strictly speaking, I'm a human being, and so are you."

"Personally, I think you are a vastly more likeable human being than the bastards over on their side, but that's just my opinion, right?"

"It's my bias, but I'll stand by it."

"There's no objectivity when it comes to the subject of humanity."

"Because everyone belongs to a side whether they like it or not; everyone possesses some kind of bias whether they like it or not; and everyone has individual preferences."

"Who is viewed as a hero to one side naturally becomes a villain to the other side."

"I'm sure you've heard of a similar saying before, right?"

"Either way, my point is that you shouldn't get so hung up about whether you've "lost humanity" or whatever, because it makes no sense in reality."

"It's ironic to say, but don't care about the words or opinions of other people so much."

"After all, the only thing that determines your humanity is yourself."

Leaving it at that, I closed my mouth.

Teacher gazed at me in silence for a long time, inexplicable emotions contained within her eyes.

"..."

Her lips parted soundlessly; there was a lot she seemed to want to say or that was on her mind, but that she couldn't quite express.

Eventually, unable to articulate exactly what she felt would be right, she bowed her head.

I spotted a few drops of liquid fall from her lowered face to stain her dress, but she didn't appear to care.

"...Thank you..."

I heard an almost incomprehensibly small voice, but the words of gratitude were clear.

"Thank you, really, but... I just... I just can't... Can't do it... I'm so-- I'm sorry..."

She wasn't going to confront the Wardens for me.

It was bizarre seeing such an emotional reaction from someone I was never particularly close to, but it didn't feel as peculiar as I would've thought.

Perhaps it has something to do with our origins being the same, but I do feel this natural affinity of feeling between us.

It's not that I feel for her.

Rather, I simply understand where she is coming from.

As someone who came from the same place, I couldn't help but understand.

Haruka Hayashi.

An escapee of the Playground, who also possessed the title of Concept.

I can understand why she wouldn't want to confront the Wardens.

It would be a perfectly normal reaction to never want to think about them or see them again.

In that sense, I'm the one who's strange for continuing to drag it on and talk to them.

Although we had pretty much never spoken outside of our teacher-student relationship, she was probably the person closest to whom I could call 'family'.

There were no similarities in our dispositions.

We weren't close.

Nevertheless, it would probably be hard to find another person I would be able to understand on such a deep level; maybe even impossible.

That's why.

"It's okay. I won't force you if you prefer to stay out of it."

Even if I could guarantee her support by persistently applying pressure, I don't think it would sit well with me.

...Right.

I can probably afford to concede this one.