Monroe

Chapter Thirty. Purina? Never again!

Chapter Thirty. Purina? Never again!

"Fuck!" Bob's eyes flew open as he half sat up in bed, a sudden and tremendous pressure on his bladder having yanked him out of his slumber.

He looked down to find his cat sitting primly on Bob's abdomen, happily kneading his stomach. "Monroe," he grumbled as he attempted to nudge the twenty-four-pound cat off.

Bob reached down and scratched Monroe's ruff, which caused the big cat's purr motor to rumble to life.

"How are you doing this morning buddy?" Bob asked softly as he listened to the quiet, soothing rumble of his friends purrs.

Monroe's eyes closed to slits as kneaded Bob's stomach while enjoying the petting that was his rightful due.

Bob scratched behind Monroe's ears as he frowned slightly. "Not real sure what I'm going to feed you buddy, I can't exactly step out for a bag of purina," he muttered.

"Do they have a pet store here?" Bob wondered aloud.

He knew he could feed Monroe mice, and that was all he'd really need, but Bob didn't exactly have mice readily available.

Bob picked up Monroe and set him on the floor as he swung his legs off the bed. He'd get dressed, find something for Monroe to eat, then ambush Harv and Elli at breakfast.

Bob was profoundly grateful that he could equip his armor directly from his inventory, as Monroe had been awfully 'helpful' when Bob was trying to lace up his boots. He couldn't imagine the fun Monroe would have with the straps.

Scooping up the maine-coon and sliding him into the hood of his cloak, Bob stalked out of his room, intent on finding something for his cat to eat.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bob let out a huff as he slumped into a chair in the tavern. Kevin, it turned out, while a nice enough guy, did not appreciate having Bob bring a cat into his kitchen.

Monroe demonstrated the uncanny ability all cats have of changing their state of matter from a solid to a liquid, as he poured himself off Bob's shoulder and into his lap. As he curled up, Bob received a faint impression in his mind of 'hungry-warm-content'.

Bob heard a faint gasp of indrawn breath as Bailli appeared and looked down at Monroe with wide eyes.

"And who is this beauty?" Bailli asked, focusing intently on Monroe.

Bob let out an internal sigh and picked up Monroe, depositing the liquid cat on the table. Everyone at the vet's office had similar reactions whenever he brought Monroe in for his checkups.

"This is my buddy Monroe," Bob said as he gave his cat a long, slow pet.

"He's gorgeous!" Bailli exclaimed as she reached down, then hesitated, and asked "May I?"

"Go right ahead," Bob responded as Monroe accepted the additional affection, demonstrating his benevolence towards this new human-servant by allowing her to deliver the attention that was only right and proper.

Bob smiled as Bailli cooed at Monroe, and Monroe responded by splaying on his back offering up his tummy for a rub.

"Bailli," he said with as much friendliness as he could muster, "do you think there is any chance I could pay you to bring out some meat chunks for him? I've just gotten him back, and I'm afraid I haven't had a chance to figure out the feeding situation."

"Oh sure," she said distractedly as Monroe caught her finger with his paws, claws sheathed, and proceeded to rub his cheek on her hand.

As Bailli gushed and cooed nonsense at Monroe while petting him, Bob saw Harv enter the tavern, a bleary-eyed and clearly not fully awake Elli in tow behind him. Bob waved them over, and they approached the table, Harv pausing when he saw the cat sprawled out with Bailli petting him, and Elli slumping into his chair before closing his eyes in a desperate bid for just a few more minutes of sleep.

Bailli looked up from Monroe and then straightened. "Full breakfast all around?" she asked.

Elli nodded, his eyes still closed, and Harv followed suit, his attention on the large cat that was taking up a significant chunk of real estate on the table.

Bailli headed for the kitchen, and Harv cleared his throat, and then gestured slightly towards Monroe before saying, "So, there appears to be a cat on the table."

Bob nodded, and delivered what Harv considered to be the first genuine smile he'd ever seen from the man, before saying, "Yes, I'd like you both to meet my buddy, Monroe."

Bob reached down and swiveled an indifferent Monroe to face Harv and Elli. "I'd also like to thank you both, sincerely, for helping me level up and train the skills I needed to rescue him," Bob said with a serious sincerity that Harv and a now groggily interested Elli both found interesting, given their past interactions with Bob.

Harv started to speak, then paused. Part of him was a little upset that they had shepherded Bob for days so that he could summon a fucking cat. Mentally reviewing his conversations with Bob, Harv realized that Bob hadn't ever said Monroe was a person. He'd referred to him as his friend.

Harv looked Bob over more carefully. The man had seemed dour, anxious, and occasionally distracted while they were shepherding him. Now, while he retained a bit of the dourness, the anxiety seemed to have disappeared, and with it a weight. He was sitting up straighter, his shoulders square rather than hunched, and his smile, while a little awkward, seemed genuine, as opposed to the forced smile he'd adopted before that was more grimace than grin.

Harv finally replied, "I'm glad we could help you get your friend back, right Elli?"

Elli had focused all of his attention on Monroe, and a few seconds later, as Harv's statement registered, nodded, and said "yeah, glad to help," as he fished around in his belt pouch, not taking his eyes off Monroe as he finally produced a bit of twine and started knotting a ball on the end of it.

Seconds later, Monroe was idly batting at the twine while Elli tried to entice him into chasing it.

Harv watched in bemusement as his morning-hating friend came to life far more quickly and easily than normal. He hadn't known that Elli was a cat person.

"So," began Bob, "I had a few questions to ask you two now that I'm able to settle into a more normal Adventurer's life," he said as Monroe grabbed the string, gave it a few desultory hind leg kicks, before flopping over and starting to clean his paws.

Harv opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by Bailli arriving with a tray holding three large plates, and one good-sized bowl.

Bailli quickly set down the plates in front of her human customers, before presenting Monroe with a bowl full of carefully cubed bear meet, and what looked like cubed liver, both still raw, but steaming slightly.

Monroe sat up as he licked his chops, then daintily began to eat the warmed meat.

Elli was tearing into his breakfast, and Bob wasn't far behind, neither of them seeming to be bothered by the huge cat sitting on the table eating with them.

With a mental shrug, Harv said "Ask away," before he started eating as well.

"So I went Delved for a couple hours yesterday after I got back," Bob began, "and I went a little slower, trying to be cautious."

Harv shook his head as he swallowed his scrambled his eggs and said, "I thought we'd agreed you were going to take a break after you summoned your friend?" he gestured towards Monroe.

Bob replied with an apologetic tone, "I had intended to, but I was completely broke when I finished summoning Monroe, it ended up taking every crystal I had," he paused for a drink of water before continuing, "so I went down for a bit under two hours, hoping I could gather enough crystals to pay for a week's worth of food and board."

Elli waded into the conversation as he started on his bacon, "Being as you're here eating breakfast with us, I'm guessing it went ok?"

Bob nodded, and crunched into a piece of bacon before responding, "It did, and now that I'm not constantly worrying about Monroe, I started thinking about crystals and leveling, and I realized I must be missing something," he waved a slice of bacon towards Elli and Harv and continued, "as I gathered thirty-five crystals in two hours, and I wasn't pushing myself at all."

Elli swallowed the last of his bacon and replied before Harv could, "That's because you're weird," he said baldly, as he reached for his water.

"What Elli means to say," Harv quickly interjected, "is that your summon monster spell is unnaturally powerful."

Bob nodded quickly, and said, "I had thought it was something along those lines, but am I really killing monsters that much more quickly than you and Elli did at that level?"

Both Elli and Harv grimaced as they exchanged a dark look, before Elli responded, "Back when we were on level seven, there were four of us."

Harv nodded reluctantly and said, "We killed monsters a bit quicker than you do, right around fourteen hundred an hour or so."

"We'd end up with between forty, or forty-five crystals total for an hour, which worked out to about seven crystals a day each, after expenses," Hav continued.

Elli made a grumbling sound as he said, "You're like your own damn party with that summons. What level is that monster up to now?"

"Eleven," Bob responded as he finished the last of his bacon.

Elli shook his head, and Harv smiled grimly before saying, "There you have it. You're basically running that level as a solo melee path, with infinite health, at an effective level of probably fifteen."

"I'd recommend," Elli started, "that you focus on gathering enough crystals for equipment with both professional and magical enhancements."

He pushed his plate away and leaned back in his seat, watching Monroe work his way through his bowl, and continued, "you're gathering level seven crystals, so figure a fourteen-point bonus to your attributes, seven from magical, seven from professional."

Harv nodded as he worked to finish his own breakfast and picked up the conversation, "six attributes, three resistances, three resources, plus your movement and defense, and then a casting implement, so figure fifteen items in all, a hundred mana crystals for each side, so call it three thousand level seven mana crystals for the enhancements, and probably another three hundred for the gear itself."

Bob blinked as he put down his silverware, and pushed his mostly empty plate over next to Monroe. If he did two hours a day, five days a week, it would take him a bit under five months to gather the crystals necessary for a full set of equipment.

Elli watched in fascination as Monroe finished his bowl, and turned to Bob's plate, eating a few chunks of scrambled egg that had been missed, one tiny piece of bacon, before sitting up primly and looking at Elli's plate with careful consideration.

"You'll have to set your silverware down to your left, and then move the plate over to him before Monroe will eat off it," Bob advised.

"You wouldn't believe how long it took us to come to that agreement," he added.

Elli did as instructed and watched as Monroe cleaned up the bits that he'd leftover.

Harv rolled his eyes and followed suit, leaving Monroe with a selection of plates to choose from, and the table looking as if Monroe was the only one who'd been served.

"It's a pretty big boost overall," Harv said, "you'll pick up fourteen points of casting power from the attribute increases, some more from the new casting implement. Hell, between the attributes and the mana enhancements, you'll pick up twenty-eight points of mana."

Bob nodded slowly. It did make sense.

"Do you do that at every level?" Bob asked.

Harv nodded grimly and answered, "We used to wing it a bit, half geared, and only half of that enchanted, but then we lost Calli and Mel on level eight..." he trailed off.

Elli spoke up, "We go slow, and fully geared and enchanted now," he said roughly.

The table fell silent as Bailli arrived to take away the dishes, pausing to scratch behind Monroe's ears as he split the silence with a low, comforting purr.