I Will Kill The Author

Chapter 158 Disciple [1]

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"Haaa! Haaa!"

Gasping for breath, I collapsed onto the ground, defeated and exhausted. 

My gaze fixated on the ceiling of the training hall as my mind constantly replayed the intense spar I had just experienced.

My nose throbbed, and blood trickled down. Maybe it was broken.

Yet, despite the physical discomfort, my mind remained preoccupied elsewhere, lost in its own thoughts and reflections.

This won't cut it. I am nowhere near strong enough. At this rate, I will not survive the second arc of the main story.

The problem isn't that I didn't have stronger weapon arts or more cheat relics. 

No, it's just that my battle prowess is simply laughable. I know how to use some weapon arts, but I don't know how to fight without them.

I create too many unnecessary movements, make some very bad decisions and stuff like that.

It's clear that I need to refine my fighting style and develop a better understanding of tactical choices regarding live combat.

While I can manage to overpower an average cadet if I give it my all, it's clear that being above average is not sufficient. 

Because as I said, the challenges awaiting me in the second arc will be formidable, and if I want to ensure my survival, I must get stronger, and I need to do it fast.

But how… How will I do that? 

While lost in thought, a voice suddenly exclaimed and interrupted me, "Nice try! You actually surprised me... Oh! Your nose is bleeding. Are you alright?"

Leo appeared over my head, upside down in my vision. His eyes widened slightly in concern and surprise.

"I'm fine," I replied, sitting back straight before getting up. Although standing up hurt, I didn't let it show on my face. "If we're done here, I'll get going."

Just as I was about to exit the training hall after picking up my spear, Leo's voice stopped me.

"Wait a second," he called out, his tone urging me to halt.

I turned back to face him, curious about what he had to say but still frustrated enough, maybe with myself, to roll my eyes.

"I couldn't help but notice one thing," Leo began, his eyes searching mine. "There is more to you than what meets the eye. I see potential, but I also sense great hesitation within you."

"What are you, a Jedi master?!" is what shot through my mind, but I stayed silent and continued to listen.

"It feels like you think too much before and after making a move," he explained. "I can see why they call you a genius–"

"They don't anymore," I interjected, but Leo continued on.

"But because you think too much, you make many mistakes while fighting. You make too many unnecessary movements, waste too much mana, and make bad decisions overall."

Oh, and you think I'm not aware of that?! 

"So what should I do?" I asked. "'Close off my mind and fight on my instincts like a fucking savage?"

A troubling expression washed over Leo's face before he simply shrugged his shoulders.

"....What does that mean?!" I snapped, confused by his reaction.

The troubling expression on Leo's face deepened as he stared into my eyes. 

He then averted his gaze for a moment before quickly looking back at me with a deep sigh.

"Let me ask you one thing," Leo said. "Do you… hate your father? For what he did to you, I mean."

Huh? What kind of question is that?

"I…"

…I wanted to say I don't hate him. After all, I am not really Lucas, am I? I have no reason to hate Reynold.

Nevertheless, vivid memories of Lucas' childhood flashed in my mind.

I recalled the lonely nights when he would be confined to his room alone while his family would have family dinner down in the hall.

I remembered the heart-wrenching occasion when he celebrated his own birthday in solitude, singing "Happy Birthday" to himself while his family held a grand feast for his twin brother's birthday.

I remembered how he cried himself to sleep after getting bullied throughout the day by his brother while his father chose to turn a blind eye to him.

Why? Why did he do that? 

Family is everything – he taught that to Lucas.

So then, why did he go back on his words and shun Lucas, stripping him of his love and attention when Lucas needed him the most? 

Why did he abandon him? 

Throughout Lucas' entire childhood, Reynold treated him as his designated successor. 

And for Lucas, earning his father's pride became the paramount objective of his existence.

Thus, when Lucas awakened an average potential, which his father regarded as trash,' and subsequently began avoiding him, it inflicted immense pain upon him.

He lost his sense of purpose. Enduring a severe existential crisis at such a tender age proved to be a difficult ordeal for Lucas.

He attempted to cope and desperately sought to regain his father's attention. 

However, by then, Reynold was busy nurturing Adel, the next heir of the Morningstar house and his chosen successor.

Just like that, in an instant, Lucas was cast aside and replaced. This shattered him completely.

Having personally experienced all those emotions as if I had lived that life myself, it would be a lie to say that I don't harbor some feelings of resentment toward Reynold.

However, I find myself lacking the fervor to hate him wholeheartedly. 

Why? Because as I mentioned earlier, I am not truly Lucas. I find myself indifferent towards his actions. 

I don't care what happened in the past. 

I have bigger things to worry about, like stopping the destruction of this fucking world, for starters.

Moreover, I recall someone once stating that the opposite of love is not hate but rather indifference. And that sentiment resonates with me.

If someone hurts you, just walk off. Your indifference will crush their ego more than your hate ever could.

"I don't hate him," I replied. "In fact, I don't even care about him. In his eyes, his son may have died, but in my heart, my father has. And why would I hate a dead person?"

"..."

For a few seconds, Leo stared at me blankly without uttering a single word. After a long moment of silence, he nodded his head.

"Okay, it's good enough," he said, still nodding his head. "Let me ask you one last question now. Lucas, would you like to be my disciple and learn from me?"