I Decided to Not Compete and Quietly Create Dolls Instead

Chapter 35.1

Translators Note: Chapter 35 was split into three parts by the author. Which will be released as 35.1, 35.2 and 35.3. Additionally, there are two unnumbered chapters that come right after 35.3. In order to not mess the auto-sorting system of the website, those chapters will be numbered 35.4 and 35.5.

And as a reminder, the author puts communication through telepathy between parenthesis, and communication through speech between quotation marks

[Phillkas PoV]

Why did I ask that question? We just needed to wait until Kajero recovered and then wed escape this place, but then I had to go and open my mouth.

Sure, I had nothing to do, and it felt extremely lonely to stay here without saying anything for a few hours, but To ask how it felt like to be one of Altireas dolls? That was just I immediately regretted it as soon as the words left my mouth.

And yet, there was nothing to be done now that it was out. I just had to wait for Kajeros reply However, a vague question such as this one, he was obviously troubled on how to answer it.

(Are you still confused about the nature of your relationship with the lady?

(Theres a beautiful person of the opposite sex by your side, its not strange for a man to start feeling certain emotions in those conditions.) Kajeros words were sharp. It felt like he was looking directly into my heart, cracking the walls that were stopping my own feelings from coming out, (And yet, you seem to think that theres no way that this feeling is love for some reason.

(Then let me try helping you understand yourself. You started teaching alchemy to my lady, and she is right now living at the same house as you Could you be thinking of it as a reward for your hard work?)

I couldnt reply to his words. I felt as if there was some magic stopping my head from working properly.

Then, my five senses went numb. I couldnt see properly anymore, and the cold floor or the winds sound became vague distant feelings I felt as if my soul was floating away from my body.

While I was going through these incomprehensible feelings, Kajero continued speaking, (Desire is a hand that seeks the irretrievable past. Those are some words said by a certain person a long time ago.

(I want to be the young ladys doll. It is certainly a wish that others may think of as unusual, troublesome, or even perverted But there is no need to think if it is right or wrong. There are no thoughts that should not be held in this world.

(Instead, lets look at the root of it. What is it that fulfill your desires? What is the past that you seek to retrieve?

(Should you try fulfilling your desires without looking at the cause, it will be nothing but an aimless journey. A journey that will never let you reach a satisfying end.

(For example)

A very clear vision appeared in my mind. My wishes became reality, and I got a dolls body, I was allowed to serve Altirea as a doll.

However, Kajero and Walf were still in charge This isnt right. I want more of her, I want her to look just at me

The scene changed. I was in my own body again This time, I was trapping Altirea in a small room.

I put an enslavement curse on her neck, forcing her to be mine, to obey my every wish And yet, its not enough. I cannot be satisfied with a life next to an empty Altirea who lost her free will

Why? Why am I so shaken by those visions? They felt so Real. So overwhelming

These visions They could very well become reality in the future.

As soon as I had this thought, Kajero started talking again, (What I showed you just now, were futures of Phillka Louivas who walked through different paths in life.

(And yet, both Phillkas were unable to be fulfilled by their own choices. The paths that they took were not enough to compensate for the past that they sought.

(So tell me, Phillka. What is the burden that you carry? What is the irretrievable past that you seek?)

I dont even need to ponder on this question. I already know the answer I broke my family up.

My father was a shrewd politician and a renowned alchemist. He spent a long time trying to recreate the formula of two incredible goods whose production methods were lost to time.

The Sacrament of Graniu and The Grapewine of Ringal Tribe. Two legendary creations that could replicate the humans flesh and blood respectively And yet, even after multiple experiments over the course of years, he kept on failing.

On top of that, the struggle of multiple factions over who would be the next king was making fathers frustration reach unprecedented levels. It felt like anything that happened at home would be enough to make him explode.

Feria mostly stayed at her bed, frightened of what would happen if she left her room She was so pitiful, I wanted to help her somehow.

However, I could not rely on the adults. My father was the cause of the problem, and my 21 years old mother was escaping reality by taking care of the animals in our home And of course, the servants did nothing except follow the lords orders.

In that case, I, her genius brother, had to move on my own. I couldnt do anything about politics, but even at that time, I was already an amazing alchemist.

I thought that I could remove the burden on my fathers back. To alleviate his stress, I devoted myself to the research at every single hour of each day, only stopping to sleep.

And with the help of some advice given by Sage Asklasua, when I was ten years old, I was able to recreate the recipes for The Sacrament of Graniu and for The Grapewine of Ringal Tribe.

However, my actions didnt make things any better Or rather, everything became worse.

My father was humiliated by the fact that his child overtook him. His frustration reached such a point, that he stopped leaving his room.

The succession struggles were solved, and a new king was crowned, but father wasnt there to make solid connections in the new political environment.

Mother started spending almost the whole day with the animals, barely looking at anything else.

The only one still on my side, was my sister. No matter how many alchemical discoveries and inventions I made, I never got any recognition from my parents They hardly acknowledged my existence anymore. All their love was focused on Feria.

Though that was fine. If it meant that father would leave his room, that mother would go back to looking at her family, and that Feria would be happy, this much was fine. In the end, I still wished for Ferias happiness after all.

However, fate did not look kindly upon us. Feria lost three fiances in quick succession, and the fourth was a horrible person that we absolutely wanted nothing to do with. I wish they had refused the proposal, as Feria herself hated him.

However, with fathers unstable political position, and with the fiance having royal blood in him, father had no choice but to accept the proposal

Mother went back to spending all her time with the dogs and cats.

And me? I could do nothing. I didnt even know the fourth engagement happened, because I was on a western settlement due to the command of the new king.

By the time I came back home, Feria had disappeared All that remained in our mansion, were three people who refused to face each other And this situation remains the same even to this day.

This is the past that I seek. The past that I want to fix Its pathetic.

Wanting to be a doll? Arent I just trying to run away from my regrets for making my family relationship even worse than it already was? Aint I just pushing my burdens into a girl that is eight years younger than me?

Thats not how a man should behave. Thats not how I should behave.

Who am I? Arent I the genius alchemist, Phillka Louivas? A genius like me will undoubtedly have a great influence on the world. My actions will definitely have consequences, and I have no choice but to take responsibility for them.

How can this great genius keep looking away from the troubles of his family? How can I just keep on relying on Altirea Wisp like this!?

Feria did not do that. Feria moved on her own. She came back to face her family And I, her brother, am just running away?

As a man, as a genius, and as her older brother, there is no way that I can let this stand. I must do something.

To go to a meeting of the Alchemist Association instead? Absurd. That was an irrelevant event, I was just running away And ended up getting kidnapped by doing so.

I need to get out of this moldy cave quickly. I need to fix that broken past I need to start over with father, mother and sister Only then, will those evil feelings that I have for Altirea clear up. Only then, will I be able to talk about love from the bottom of my heart.

(Thank you, Kajero. Youve helped me clear up my thoughts. I will no longer hesitate.) I told him.

Then, my five senses became clear once more. I felt as if I was born anew.

(It was nothing much. I am sure that you would have arrived to this same conclusion on your own eventually. All I did was give you a push on the back to let you reach said conclusion faster.

(Besides, my lady also wishes that you reconcile with your family.) Kajero replied.

(So she was worried about even that? Shes truly a kind child I think Im falling even more in love with her.) I told him.

(In that case, Feria will probably be your biggest obstacle.) Kajero commented.

(Impossible, theyre of the same sex.

(Never mind that. Lets waste no more time and hurry back to the royal capital.) I replied.

(Understood.) Kajero said.

However, just as we were about to start our escape plan, dry applauses echoed through the dungeon.

They were near us, but where?

Wonderful, wonderful! Im truly impressed by you two, Kajero and Phillka. To think that Id find such a wonderful surprise at the very bottom of the earth!

The king of evil spirits teaching and guiding a young boy. What a sight! The person who said, was one whose voice I knew very well. An acquaintance that advised me on how to make the Sacrament and the Grapewine. A man that Ive only communicated with through letters these days Sage Asklasua.

To be able to melt the walls surrounding the boys heart like this I thought you only had the power to dye people in evil with your whispers, but you are actually capable of doing good too! Ill remember that!

But lets put that aside for a moment. Its been a long time, Phillka. Is your father well? The sage asked me.

His behavior was as carefree as it was eight years ago