Heretical Fishing

Book 4: Chapter 9: Something Delicious

Book 4: Chapter 9: Something Delicious

I strode forward with determination, the rich aroma ahead drawing me ever closer. With each meter we crossed, the scent grew stronger. I hastened my step. Because of my recent breakthrough, I had the ability to seal off my sense of smell if I wanted to. Doing so could return my rationality.

And yet, I didn’t want to deny such a wondrous scent.

Beside me, Maria gripped my arm with white-knuckled intensity. She hissed a sigh. “This is almost unbearable.”

“Agreed.” I glanced over my shoulder, spotting the rest of the meeting room following along. “Maybe we could have dashed ahead if we were alone...”

“If you didn’t want us coming along,” Sue said, brushing her flour-covered apron, “you shouldn’t have told us you’d infused coffee with coffee!”

“You could just...” Sturgill waved his hands mystically. “Zap us in there, right?”

“Nope,” I replied, inhaling through my nose and soaking up the coffee’s aroma. “Approaching on foot is all part of the experience, I’m afraid.”

“I, for one, am enjoying it,” Geraldine said, her eyes closed as she inhaled slowly. She let out a contented sigh, a smile forming. “Besides—we’re almost there.”

I spotted the granary ahead and was unable to stop myself from speeding up again. We approached at a jog, the scent growing even more alluring as we entered the doorway and dashed down the stone hallway. I skidded around a corner and focused on the entry to the roastery ahead. The room appeared almost lit from within, a soft glow illuminating the wall opposite, an imaginary manifestation of the beans’ pull.

Over two dozen feet, paws, flippers, and exoskeletal legs skidded to a stop behind me. Those that could see the doorway inhaled sharply, causing the others to whisper and crane their necks in an attempt to see what had stunned us so.

Unable to do anything else, I wandered forward toward the light. Despite my acute awareness, I lost all track of my friends behind me when I caught sight of the room.

The glow was anything but soft.

A golden bubble had surrounded the tray the coffee beans were cooling in. Within the half orb, lines of light undulated like sunbeams penetrating the ocean’s surface, seen from above. Without realizing it, the machine was directly before me, the bubble beneath my outstretched hand. Now that I was so close, its pull was impossibly strong. And though I wanted more than anything to rip the seal off, I forced myself to wait.

Maria rested a hand on my bicep, and when I glanced over, there was no need for her to vocalize her question. It was written on her face.

I tried to reply, croaked, then cleared my throat. “There’s nothing wrong, per se. I’m just testing something.”

I forced myself to remain still, pausing until I was certain. When I trusted that I could resist the coffee’s urging, I no longer hesitated. I pinched the surface of the bubble between my thumb and forefinger, and pulled. It lifted like the layer that forms atop cooling custard, peeling back to reveal—

A wall of light exploded outward. It struck me, making my need for the coffee beans grow by orders of magnitude. My skin tingled, mouth watered, and pulse thumped. It reminded me of the time I had accidentally overdosed on pre-workout during a short gym phase back on earth, the unholy combination of compounds having made me agitated and uncomfortable in my own body.

I recognised all this in a fraction of a second, and feeling the same emotions radiating from everyone else, I whirled. Every eye was drilling into the now-visible beans. Suspecting the worst, I sent a small wave of chi out over everyone, testing their responses. Only those with more advanced levels of cultivation responded, and even they seemed to do so with great effort. Everyone else stared down at the beans, their faces intense and bodies already moving forward.

“Borks!” I called.

He stepped through space to land beside me, and the moment he ripped the tiny portal open, I used strands of chi to scoop up every last bean. The altered seeds demanded that I give them my attention. Demanded I inspect them and see what they could do. But now wasn’t the time.

As soon as the last of the beans was through the portal, Borks closed it—the change was both immediate and profound. It was like someone had dumped a bucket of ice-water over everyone, shock warring with anger on their faces.

I held my hands up and radiated my love for them, hoping it was enough to calm everyone, but prepared to reach for the Domain’s power if I had to restrain them. Thankfully, the fury slowly drained from their faces.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

“Uhhh,” Maria said, more than a little worry seeping into her voice. “What was that?”

“The universe punishing me for my hubris?” I joked, hoping it would ease some of the tension suffocating the room.

It didn’t.

“Okay,” I sighed. “None of that. As your god-to-be or whatever, I forbid you from feeling guilty.” I nodded, more to myself than anyone else. “Any questions?”

“I got one,” Roger replied, giving me a glare that took me back to the good old days. “What gives you the right to tell anyone not to feel guilty when that was part of the reason you took so long to man up and take control of the church?”

“Wonderful question. That’s exactly what gives me the right. I spent so long lost in doubt and fear, only to get over it in the end. And besides.” I shrugged. “Even if that wasn’t the case, you guys wanted me to be your leader, so you have to deal with the consequences when I go mad with power and start ordering you around.”

Roger chewed his cheek as he continued glaring into my soul, but he made no reply.

Maria stepped up and patted my shoulder. “That’s enough yapping, dear. You’ve made your point.”

“Are you sure? I could go for hours, and I’ve already got at least a dozen more talking points to present. And don’t get me started on—”

“I’m sure,” she interrupted, squinting at me.

“I suppose we can leave it at that, then.” I let out my best aggrieved sigh, emulating a pompous noble. “I swear, you peasants can be so flippant. One minute, you demand questions. The next, you’ve heard all you want to—” I cut off as Maria fake-threatened me with a raised backhand. “On second thought, you’re right. I’ve made my point.”

Not wasting the moment of silence, Ellis stepped forward from the crowd, his eyes locking with mine. “Do you know what caused the coffee’s… reaction?”

“Not a clue, mate. I think it’s safe to say we shouldn’t try infusing coffee again, though. Or anything with addictive properties, for that matter.” I cast an apologetic look around the room. “Jokes aside, I’m sorry. That one was on me. I’ll need to be more careful.”

“You had no way of knowing,” Maria tried.

But I shook my head in response. “When I felt the pull, how insistent it was, I should have gone alone. In retrospect, it’s obvious that it had an unhealthy hold over me. It was tugging on the part of my brain that’s addicted to caffeine.”

Ellis nodded, his pencil scratching away on his pad. “Agreed. The smell of it seemed to hijack the rational part of my brain. A fascinating thought.”

“Psst.” Theo leaned toward Ellis, shooting furtive glances to either side. “If you’re trying to appear human, you should have said the thought was terrifying, not fascinating.”

Ellis’s eyebrow twitched, but he wisely didn’t engage, choosing to take notes instead.

I turned toward George and Geraldine. “I’m guessing this didn’t happen while you were here. What did it look like before you left?”

“The same as when you all disappeared,” George answered, staring down at the now-empty tray and rubbing his chin. “Perhaps it changed when the cooling was finished?”

“What I am curious about...” Ellis made a circular motion with the end of his pencil. “The protective bubble that encased the beans. Was it a function of the coffee machine, or was it a symptom of the world’s chi returning to a relatively normal level?”

“One way to find out.” I looked over the small pile of burlap sacks to the side of the room, all of which were filled with raw coffee. “We can trial another batch. I know I said we shouldn’t infuse anything addictive, but what if we do it with only a few beans? Maybe that would make it taste as good as that batch smelled, but without the pesky side effects... of... what’s up?”

Maria’s head had drifted into my field of view, her hair hanging to the side and expression thoroughly unimpressed. “Or, you know, we could just try infusing literally anything other than coffee, you maniac.”

“Fiiine,” I drawled, then shot her a wink. “Have it your way. We’ll just infuse something delicious instead.”

Corporal Claws, showing a rare moment of actual helpfulness, dragged the tray of potential ingredients over. She presented them to us like a proud merchant, gesturing her forepaws wide above the arrayed food items.

Maria knelt and rubbed the top of Claws’s head, then both of them started rummaging through the box. Lemon, sugar, and a selection of spices were all removed, set aside into the ‘for consideration’ pile.

I let them go, drawn in by their animated movements. “You know,” I finally said, crouching down to their height. “There’s an ingredient I didn’t gather yet...”

Both paused, their heads darting toward me. Claws let out the beginning of a questioning chirp. But it swiftly transformed into a trill scream of realization, the whites of her eyes revealed to a cartoonish level.

“Oh!” Maria exclaimed, a smile forming on her face.

I opened my mouth to confirm their suspicions, but froze, my eyes drawn to the floor.

All along, both during the meeting earlier and the reveal of the coffee roaster, there had been a presence looming beneath us. It, too, realized what I was hinting at, and it no longer wished to remain hidden. There was a pulse of chi as one of the floor’s stones was lifted into the air, hoisted high by a thick, powerful root.

The extension of Lieutenant Colonel Lemony Thicket sprouted a leaf in greeting, its green form swaying in a non-existent breeze.

“Lemon!” I laughed, shaking my head. “You didn’t need to break in! We were just about to come see you!”

I know, she sent, unapologetic. With one more wave of her leaf, her root returned to the earth, the massive stone sliding back into place behind her.

“Come on,” I said, getting to my feet. “The day is flying past, and Lemon awaits.”

“I’ll come, too,” Leroy said. “Er, if that’s okay, I mean?” he continued, suddenly looking unsure of himself.

I clapped him on the shoulder and ushered him along with us. “Of course it is, mate. I’d appreciate your insight. In fact, I’ve been meaning to come talk to you about them...”