Chapter 371 Philis seeks a path
Chapter 371 Philis seeks a path
Asura landed several steps away from the beautiful dark elf. He admired her beauty but didn't feel any attraction towards her because of his adamant feelings. Though he wouldn't let her suffer alone, Azoth helped Asura too much to do that.
"She seems so isolated from the world as if everything around her is unrelated. In a way, she is right, though. But this is the reason I pity her. Isolation leads to misery. No one deserves such a cruel fate." Asura whispered, his eyes gazing at her dull, lifeless eyes.
Though he pitied her, Asura wanted her to stand again and live without being held back by her past. He knew she felt conflicted being around Mu Xue.
The first time they met, the dark elf became unstable, and her mind almost broke. That's why he tried to avoid being with her when visiting Philis.
"That girl, is she related to Muru?"
"She is the reincarnation, but a completely different person now."
"Is that so..."
For a long minute, Philis stayed silent while trying hard to gather her emotions and not show her current state. In the end, she still couldn't bear it and felt tears emerging from her eyes. Asura didn't know what to say, but his body just moved as if it were natural.
He hugged her from behind, his large hands stroking her soft hair, the silky blond strands like the top layer of a smooth cream.
"Ah?"
Philis didn't know why he was hugging her, and in truth, Asura also wondered the reason behind his sudden action, 'Why am I doing this?'
They stayed silent for quite some time because, despite their initial thoughts, it didn't feel wrong, nor did Asura feel Philis resist him; they just looked at the enormous moon that appeared like it could fall upon them at any moment.
'This is uncomfortable, so why does it feel so familiar.' Philis had lost every emotion and only lived as a killing machine. Yet the comfort Asura was providing was enough for her tears to keep flowing. "Hick, why? Why are you doing this?" She cried in his arms, Asura answering while smiling in a warm yet empty tone, "Why am I doing this to a stranger?"
"I don't know. I should hate everything: my race and myself. Why do you treat me as if nothing were my fault when everything I have done was so twisted, so evil, so cursed?!" Philis spoke of her sins, that she knew Asura understood everything.
Asura's expression didn't change, as if there was not a single regret in his heart. He remained firm, showing his belief and knowledge that Philis was not the evil existence that people believed her to be.
"If you feel drowned by your sins, then face them. Don't turn away from them."
"... You make it seem so easy, as if it is simple."
Philis felt her emotions, which had been long forgotten. The comfort and affection of another made her sob uncontrollably. The warm and rough hands soothed her, making Philis feel nostalgia and sadness at the same time.
"Doing simple things can be incredibly hard, but facing the most difficult things can be surprisingly easy," Asura spoke to the moon, his eyes watching its magnificence over the shoulder of Philis.
'Living life... is so difficult.' Philis thought, continuing,
"How can you smile like that with everything you have gone through?"
"Because I never feared living; I kept moving forward because I thought I would reach somewhere if I kept running," Asura muttered, thinking back to his death, rebirth and all the pain and suffering he endured to reach this place. Then, the happiness and joy, all of it fused to make him realise just how lucky he was.
Philis heard him but didn't understand his meaning or reasonings as she looked up at Asura's clear, crimson eyes. They glinted with a strong and vibrant light.
"Yet despite arriving at the end, I still don't understand if everything was worth it. Maybe if I became stronger and knew things sooner, there could have been events that never happened and people I didn't lose or fail to save." Asura thought about Azoth, then the loss of his father's best friends and other battles where he couldn't do anything but follow the world's flow.
The flow of fate.
Philis gazed at Asura while listening, her tearful eyes showing hope and a small ray of brightness inside the cold darkness.
"If I knew my power could become unstoppable, so great that not even death could hold me down, maybe things would have been different. But that is my fantasy, however... My power could save you and many others who would have died or suffered worse fates without my existence or actions.
Those are the things I take comfort in." Asura looked down at the dark elf in his arms; no longer did things feel so awkward or strange; he felt a sense of nostalgia.
"Your existence is not meaningless. Your sins aren't unforgivable," the crimson eyes made Philis want to believe him. His presence and warmth made her feel. Her heart and emotions were like the breeze of the vast green lands.
"You are not his family, but Azoth himself, right?" Philis suddenly asked the most bizarre question that stunned Asura.
"Ah?" The sudden realisation left Asura open for her next words.
"Then what I say to him; I can tell it to you, can't I?" Asura nodded while dumbfounded, "If I can accept what you say."
Philis took a deep breath before beginning her words. Her deep eyes locked onto his, and Asura could not look away.
"It might not be the answer you seek, and it could also cause more problems than you are expecting." Asura listened, his brows raised with confusion. Philis sighed once again; this time, it seemed so heavy, so suffocating, and Philis's shoulders stiffened as her emotions finally surfaced and brought with them all of her pent-up sorrow.
"I cannot let you go, even now after 5000 years."
Asura knew this might happen, that's why he took a distance from her. After his experiences, he refused to become Azoth's stand, and thus, when she stepped on her tiptoes to kiss him, he blocked her lips with a single finger. Her beautiful violet eyes opened with shock, their surface gleaming with teardrops.
Since she conquered the corruption, her eyes seemed to be permanently changed to a dark violet shade. Maybe the last of the corruption refused to leave her body and fused with her iris and pupils.
"I might be the reincarnation or rebirth of Azoth. But I am not him, do not seek him when you interact with me. I am Asura Phoenix."
Asura explained firmly; he felt Philis shudder and clench her hands into fists; her knuckles turned white with her nails pressing against her palms until they were cut apart and her hand bled. She bit her lip painfully, breaking apart the delicate, rosy skin; her tears rolled down her eyes before the ground, stained by red droplets and black sand.
"But can't you just pretend this once...."
"No, if it happens once, there will be a second time. I am not him and won't be him for you!"
His rejection wasn't soft in the slightest. It felt as if Asura's words had pushed a part of Philis's already breaking sanity, and all that remained was a fragile eggshell, ready to fall apart with the slightest contact.
However, when she tried to escape in despair, he wouldn't release her.
"Let me go...!"
Her desperate struggle only lasted for a moment as Asura restrained her arms, using only his fingers to the point she wouldn't feel even a hint of pain. "Calm yourself."
Despite struggling, Philis stopped after hearing these words, and slowly, her body relaxed in his hands. Only her emotions were wild and rampant; Asura felt Philis break down, and as if seeking support, she cried, her face hiding in his chest while sobbing.
Asura embraced the dark elf, his large hand patting the back of Philis's smooth, caramel back, though he couldn't go back on his oath and pretend to be Azoth for her. It didn't mean he would leave her to suffer alone in this cold darkness.
With her warm tears wetting his clothing, Philis clutched tightly to Asura as if scared to let go, "Please, pretend once; I promise not again."
Asura knew she wouldn't be able to hold those words since he saw her vulnerability, all of it directed at Azoth.
"Tell him how you feel, your frustrations... the blame... your regrets and guilt. I am sure he will understand."
"But..."
"If he was alive right now? Do you think he would allow you to suffer alone?" Asura couldn't avoid her; Philis had to accept everything. It was better to clear her past and, eventually, one day, move on.
His words struck something inside her confused mind as her lips began to part, speaking of all her frustrations, regrets and feelings.
"I failed him, failed you, Azoth! Yet, despite knowing my existence made you suffer so much. You stayed with me until the final day."
Asura listened to Philis release all her pains. From things related to the memories he had already recovered to silly things that happened decades before the events that led to her falling, he didn't speak or interrupt, just stroked the back of her head and listened as Philis, a woman as old as his mother spilt her soul to him until the night almost ended.
Philis rested peacefully, and Asura observed his surroundings and felt a sense of peace himself, maybe down to the small parts of Azoth remaining inside him, finally finding peace and dispersing into his existence.
He didn't know, but at the very least, Philis seemed to have released thousands of years' worth of frustration and feelings.
His goals complete, Asura carried the dark elf, who snuggled in his embrace, to her room and gently lay her on the bed, covering her with the silk quilt. He then sat beside her side, looking at her sleeping state before standing and going outside the castle's main hall.
"Thank you...."
Philis, who watched his departing back, whispered. Her eyes seemed different. Though she would continue to agonise and suffer, there was now at least a spark of life inside them. "You are as kind and gentle as he was... I see, you are not him but his reincarnation..."
Nobody could know the future; would they become dear friends or a familial relation? Asura only gave her a chance to spill her pain; while he would never take the place of Azoth, he did so because that is what Asura Phoenix would do for anyone he considered close.