Deranged Writer's Afterword

Chapter 114 Bully

" Hey.....you're here."

I found Max leaning against the wall in a corner of the rooftop.

Of course....I'm alone with the person I tried to kill yesterday.

I don't know what was going on in my head yesterday, I'm usually such a nice and patient person...well I can't change the past so there's no use in thinking about it now.

The both of us stared at each other for awhile, until I broke eye contact and moved forward. The railing was cold, I looked below me...everybody looks so small from here....like ants.

Time passes as Max and I silently wait for the others-

" I'm sorry about yesterday.", Max says, his face unreadable.

" It's alright....I should have told the truth much sooner."

Max's scrunch's up hearing me,

" No....we've only known each other for a small time, so I understand why you didn't tell the truth...."

isn't this ?.....

" Did Katherine talk to you by any chance ?"

" Uh.....yeah, she did have a 'talk' with all of us."

Oh....well it's nice that she's looking out for me but I can take care of myself.

" I shouldn't have hit you without thinking things through.....I've had a lot of anger since I was a child because....I'm sure you know, I was kind of a bully in middle school.....I promised myself that would change in high school....but it seems that I'm still the same."

Oh....I know this already but it's nice that he's opening up to me.

" You're not a bully, Max.....and I think we've all changed during our time here."

Max nods his head and we remain silent for another minute or so until he starts to speak once again,

" Hey....I need a fav-"

But before he could complete whatever he was saying, the door to the rooftop was swung open and the others finally reach.....they're late.

Emilia looked really confused as she walked to me.

" What's going on ?...everyone's acting all weird..", Emilia whispered to me.

Oh....Emilia, this is just the beginning.

The others moved to the side and looked at me expectantly.....I thought they were going to leave....but no matter, I can always improvise.

" Emilia....-----------"

I continue to tell Emilia about everything.

I tell her about learning the truth about the demons by accident.

I tell her of how I took over the Creed household.

I tell her about how I killed Joe.

I tell her about breaking the princess and Victoria out.

I tell her about my trip to the demonic kingdom.

I leave out some some very insignificant details like accidently killing her grandparents and of course, I don't say anything about John because....it hardly seemed relevant.

"------------and that's about it.", I finish narrating the events that had occurred till now and take in a deep breath.

I wonder how she's going to react....?

I raise my gaze from the floor and try to observe Emilia but-

I'm surprised to find Emilia embracing me, all the others looked surprised as well.

Emilia breaks away from the hug quickly, she says while her eyes slightly teared up,

" I'm sorry....it must have been so hard shouldering this all on your own...at least now you won't be alone right ?" Emilia says while wiping her eyes to stop herself from crying.

Oh....yeah, Emilia's character trait was 'kind', so I suppose this reaction is normal.

Well, that's good for me...but why do I feel so bitter ?

Meh, it must be nothing.

~~~~

I was walking back to my room with Eric and.....Lecia beside me, I don't know why but she's following the both of us.

" Are you feeling okay ?", Lecia asked concerned

" I'm fine.", I answer back irritated.

I don't know why Lecia is so worried, I'm completely fine. Strangely, her trying to comfort me just makes me more angry.

" Are you sure you're fine ?", Lecia asked again frustrating me.

I turn around to face her and grab her shoulders,

" I'm completely fine, Lecia."

Before she could say anything else, Eric and I lead her to her room and get the hell out of there.

I needed to be alone now.

" I don't think you're gonna like this question.....but are you really alright ?", Eric asked.

What.....him too ?

" Why is everyone asking me that ?", I ask confused

" It's just that...you seemed a little sad earlier."

" Well, I'm not sad.....so just leave me alone.", I say giving out 'hmph' for practical effect.

" Alright....", Eric says patting me on the shoulder before entering our room.

Eric directly went to his training room and I did the same,

I had let Rhys loose in my training room, I'm pretty sure that it's a freaking battleground now....let's just hope that I don't step on a 'land mine'.

Entering the room, I'm surprised to find it spotless, just like I had left it.

" You finally started using the litter box, huh ?", I say patting Rhys on the head.

Rhys stayed near me as I took out my spear and started training.

~~~~

Beads of sweat rolled down my forehead as I continued swinging the spear around.

I also did some other exercises but I mainly just stuck onto the spear because it still felt a little unfamiliar to me...I needed to get used to the spear quickly, for that I think I need to fight someone for real using the spear.

Falling down to the ground, completely and utterly exhausted I crawl over and lean on the wall of the training room for support.

I sit there for a very long time...thinking.

My body felt sore, but the pain was welcoming.....in fact I craved to feel it...to feel something.

'Huh ?', I thought confused as I wipe away the tears that flowed down my face gently.

I'm crying ?.....

Why ?

Is it because I killed Emilia's grandparents ?

No....that couldn't be it...I've killed tons of others....this is the same and I'm not even the person who killed them...in a way they killed themselves.

So....it's not my fault.

It's not my fault.....

It's not...but they why....just why do I feel so hollow inside ?

Wiping away my shameless tears, I felt angry at myself.

When I first arrived in this world....I made a decision that I would be a winner, but I'm still the same....

I'm still a fucking loser....

" What do you want ?", I asked raising up Rhys who was trying to climb on top of me.

Rhys touched my forehead with his and a bright light engulfed the room, after the light subsided....I was greeted by a pair of red eyes that stared at me sympathetically....

" It's going to be fine.....mommy.", Rhys says in a clear and crisp voice.

~~~~

I successfully made a contract with Rhys.

I felt happy but is he going to continue calling me 'mommy'....cause that's a problem.

Even though it was the time to be celebrating, I didn't tell anybody else about the contract....I have enough time....I'll do it tomorrow or something.

Right now, I was at the park with Rhys sitting on my lap.

I watched the sun set.

" It's beautiful isn't it ?"

" Mhmmm", Rhys says busy playing with a ball of yarn.

I watch as the sky became darker and I could feel the night approaching steadily.

Telling the truth to Emilia made me feel nostalgic....it's been a long time since I've come to this world.....a lot of stuff has happened ,some were good while others were bad....I still have a lot of stuff to do....I have a lot more enemies to finish off.

Instead of feeling excited for the future...I felt afraid.....even though it's taken me some time....I finally understand that I'm no god.....I'm not the hero-

I don't know what I am, but I'm sure that I'll learn given enough time-

-------------------

-and just like that......five months passed.

~~~~