12 Miles Below

Book 3. Chapter 3: Self delusion (T)

Book 3. Chapter 3: Self delusion (T)

ToWrathh tapped a foot with impatience, legs crossed as she sat in the simple seat. Fabric surrounded her, obscuring all view around. A rough artificial weave that constructed the white tent. Before her was a small table, and a single chair. More for formalities than any practical use.

Today she needed results. She needed to focus on her task and stay the course. Life had been simple as a spider, her existence was filled with small bursts of short emotions and rational thought. Now, it was all too complicated.

Her first order on returning to her body had been to send her chosen into the walled city. All of them, every man, woman and child that remained. Her second had been to obtain a new set of blades, the savages had looted her old pair off the dead shell.

She brought up the record of recent events, watching again as everything replayed before her. Standing before her Chosen, while they idled around the small camp theyd made. They looked shaken when shed told them she wanted them gone to the city. No, not just them. ToWrathh rewound the record, and watched again. The Runners flanking the camp also seemed to flinch at the order. She hadnt noticed this the first time.

Paranoia crept into her mind. Those runners had been exposed to the Chosen for some time now. The children had been the ones most receptive to the terrifying runners, getting used to their presence enough to start using the machines as mobile jungle gyms, swinging from their arms or ribs. The rest of the adults seemed far more hesitant, but at least the earlier outright fear had largely gone. The Runners had been curious about the humans. Staring at the children as they scurried around on their shoulders. Observing. And standing still the whole time.

This pack of Runners had escorted the humans as close to the city as possible before the humans needed to walk their own path, least they be spotted walking with machines and ruin the plan. She hadnt paid enough attention at the time, simply moving onto other tasks and burying herself in the work. None of these Runners had been directly ordered to escort the humans. Theyd done it on their own.

Was this how it started? Would these Runners rebel against her orders eventually? Would she need to break them? She didnt want to. Didnt like the thought of that.

The part of her with sense and reason whispered to destroy these Runners early, before anything could happen. Quarantine them from the others, and rip them apart just in case. This would be the logical and safe option. She could always replace these Runners. By taking the safe route, she would minimize any possible trouble in the future. An optimal choice.

She flagged these Runners into her logs as potential dangers, and did nothing else, hating herself all the while for ignoring the voice of reason. For being too weak to deal with these issues decisively.

The only resolution was to hope these Runners never went on to rebel against her commands. Perhaps they wouldnt. Perhaps they needed far more exposure to the world before anything happened. She could hope.

Yrob had carried an older woman in her memories, setting the elder down carefully, almost gently, while she grumbled the whole time on his treatment.

See you. Again. Soon. He said, bent down low, violet glowing eyes obscuring the cameras staring at wrinkles. Be. Safe.

With all the rotten luck of the gods, Im sure I will see you again. Not sure about being safe, thats just asking for it. The old lady said, waving a long spoon as if it were a wand. Im expecting that you learned to stop burning things the next time I see you. We dont eat lumps of burnt charcoal when we cook. You understand? Coal. Bad.

The Runner moved his head up and down, body following slightly behind the exaggerated movements. An emergent gesture this pack of Runners had begun to use. It signified laughter. Coal. Bad. I will be good.

Tamery remained at ToWrathhs side. The girl reached a hand out and grabbed the Feathers gently. You sure youll be all right without us? She asked. Youve seemed really tense after the tower was taken.

I will be fine. ToWrathh lied, taking her hand back. See to it that the people merge with the rest of the refugees from the tower. The humans will not know how to find you yet. Many wont even know there could be traitors in their ranks. This is the only time we will be able to infiltrate the city before word spreads.

The human girl nodded, holding the bag of keys and encryption passwords tighter. Theyd recovered a lot from the tower and plenty of dead men no longer needed any of their funds. With this, Tamery could afford to run an operation inside the city. If she was quick, shed recover all the funds before the leaders could clamp down and trace where the money went. She was a merchants daughter after all, vanishing money away was in her power. Of all the humans ToWrathh had at her disposal, Tamery was the only one capable of pulling off this feat. There was no choice but to send her away.

ToWrathh knew that.

That weak part of her screamed to keep the human here anyhow.

She could send all the others away, but at least keep Tamery here with her. The girl had given her plenty of advice that had turned out correct and well used. There were others in their ranks that could do Tamerys job, and she could write out instructions ahead of time.

She shut that part out with an effort of willpower, grinding her teeth. She had to focus. These thoughts were the enemy. An insidious corruption in her core that she couldnt find and expunge, her very mind warping her thoughts. The only defense she had was to be aware of these thoughts and resist temptation. Shed been ignorant of their slow and steady rise up until they caused her to directly disobey orders, but now she was aware and wouldnt fail again.

Sending them away isnt going to change anything inside you. Tenisent said at her side, idly leaning against one of the tents inner pillars, forcing her back out of her memories. All youre doing is pushing away the problem. Not dealing with it.

Shut. Up. She hissed. Theyre an undue influence on my train of logic. I need them out of the way.

So thats what youre telling yourself? Or are you worried that youll be forced to order their executions? Sending them away to keep them safe from yourself? So that you cant harm them in the future?

ToWrathh flinched. The human delegation is coming and I need to convince them to surrender. She shot him a glare. Isnt this the best course of action from your point of view? If they surrender, no humans have to die. Shouldnt you be helping me with this?

Tenisent raised an eyebrow. I see better ways to do the most good. Ive become aware of a different path.

How quaint. ToWrathh sneered. And what path is that?

Thats for me to know.

I can rip any thought out of your head, anytime I wish. Remember, you serve me at my leisure.

Try me.

ToWrathh snarled and reached a hand into the soul fractal. Not to take the skills he had, no, she went deeper, reaching for his very mind. You think youve gained some pittance of power? Everything you have, is what Ive allowed. Ill show you how powerless you really are, human.

Digital strings connected to the fractal. ToWrathh reached to seize his thoughts and was bombarded with images of Kidra. His memories of her. Half recalled moments of his drunken days, as a young child walked him home, cleaned him up, and saw him to bed. The hope in her face that hed one day return. The tiny boy holding the hem of her skirt, watching the wretched wreck that he was as if he were an alien.

These two small fragile beings, all he had left in his world.

ToWrathh let go of her connection as if it burned her hand. The reflex carried all the way into the physical world, where her body leaped out of the chair, landing on the floor like a cat.

Tenisent gave a feral grin. Thats what I suspected. You want whats in my head, youll need to go through my thoughts first. I wont make it easy.

I dont need to know what youre after! ToWrathh screamed. I dont care either! Youre a ghost locked up in a cell I hold all the keys to! Your days are numbered the moment you are of no use to me. Do you understand your place?

That made him laugh. Like a kitten attempting to be threatening. Meek and small. Hissing at the air. You dont fool me, Wrath. And youre not fooling yourself either, not for long. The end is coming for you, and youll have to make a choice. One day, it will cost you too much.

ToWrathh promptly grabbed the soul and threw him into the cell, closing the door and making sure it was locked. He dissolved in the air, leaving the small tent alone.

She didnt understand why she kept letting him out. Each time it ended with her screaming and locking him up again. Each time she left feeling more confused.

It was simple. If she made the wrong choice, she would be killed. The unity fractal was fused to her soul, the lady could reach out to her at any time and smother her soul, burn her mind, and melt the circuits in her head. There is no escape, and there are no other choices. She would do as ordered, or she would be killed.

She got off the floor, and patted her hair back into position. Making sure her clothing was neat and regal. She was a Feather. Demi-gods walking the world. She had to look the part, pretend to be the part, until it became her.

Internal clock showed half an hour until the delegates from the city would arrive to speak the initial terms of this campaign. It had been easy, she simply gave the commander of the defeated knights the offer and hed carried it to the city when the rest of the surrendered soldiers were released.

All she needed to do was convince them that she had overwhelming power and they would be crushed under her heel one way or another. Tamery and the other Chosen were her insurance plan, on the case such a generous offer of mercy was rejected.

She sat back down, rubbing her eyes, taking breaths to steady herself. She could do this. Once she had the city, shed deal with all these other thoughts.

Maybe she could give up on hunting down Keith. Once the city was hers, she could just leave. Join her brothers and sisters in fighting off the Deathless. A simple, clear cut goal. Shed leave the surface well enough alone, never step foot there.

But ToAacar would most certainly kill everyone. He didnt care for the Chosen, and none of the Winterscars would be spared either. If she left, theyd all die. And so would he.

Wait - why was that a bad thing? ToWrathh dug her nails into her hair and scratched furiously. What was she thinking? Hadnt she wanted him dead this whole time? Was it the thought of someone else carrying the task out that rankled her?

She decided then and there that must be the reason. Keith had to die by her hand, personally. Memories of her last moments as a spider floated back into mind. His parting words, his contempt and anger. How hed tricked her into losing a fight she should have rightfully won, how furious she had been at the deceit.

All the emotions were there, but they felt hollow. Underdeveloped. Primitive. As if she was watching memories of a childhood she had long ago grown past.

No. Keith had to die by her hands, personally. Anyone else killing him wasnt allowed. So she had to stay and make sure ToAacar didnt steal her kill. This was the reason she felt the way she felt. And she wouldnt give any of this a second look.

She shook her head, bringing her focus back to the present. Ahead, her hearing could sense the small footsteps of humans approaching. The delegation was here.

She needed to focus. There was a city she needed to capture before she could get to Keith.

ToWrathh would follow her orders. She would remain loyal to her mother. Keith would be killed, and everything would be fixed.

Everything would be fixed, she told herself again. Everything would be fixed.

Four guards escorting one central figure, just outside the tent. The footsteps came closer and ToWrathh settled what was left of her nerves.

Posture straightened, she tampered down on the subroutines and overrode their feed. She disciplined her features into the vision of calm. ToWrathh was a Feather. Her kind had a reputation to uphold, even in the face of ants. The enemies she faced were Deathless, humans were mere insects in comparison.

A voice called out from outside the tent. Rough, a little old. This is the CapraNor delegation, spearheaded by junior squire Alef Bronston. Requesting permission to enter, under grounds of peace.

We wish to negotiate terms.

Next chapter - Diplomacy (T)